Thirsty Thursdays- Melt Your Fucking Face Off.

This is why I'll never take a flaming Dr. Pepper, be in a circus, work as a fireman, or order Fire Sauce from Taco Bell. I don't want my god damn flesh burning off. Period. Have a good night. folks.

8 Days to Christmas

IPod/IPhone projector.  This thing's incredible.  Blows up to 40 inches.  Plug it up to your iphone and project the image on any flat white surface (Paris Hilton's ass)  I'd rather bone Nikki.

Buy it Here for $300

Remember The Morganfield/Jerry Springer Post?!?!

Click here to refresh your memory...

Well it appears that the Dog Warden of Union County Kentucky really does exist. Earlier in the week I told you that I was a dog lover so sign me the fuck up! How do I get this job? Are you born into it, do they vote you in, or is it like the Supreme Court and you can't get in until the present Dog Warden dies? I hope it's not the latter, because I will slice some throats if it gets me a seat in the Dog Warden throne!!! I need some answers here. Sounds like the most bad ass job someone could have in Union County actually.

VIVA LA DOG WARDEN!!!!!!


**Big ups to Nathan from the Hills and Hollers of Sturgis.

Filly of the Day (Pecker edition)

I hear El Peckerino is familiar with this Filly from Muhlenburg. Hope he doesn't delete it. Not too shabby, huh?

Leopard skin, Zebra skin, who gives a fuck.

It's final's week Fixers, T-Bone don't have much to say.

Websites That Make The Internet Pretty Sweet: People of 'The' Wal-Mart.

No morning post.. But will have a Thirsty Thursdays video, nonetheless.

I like this website a lot, but none of the stuff on it really surprises me. I've been going to 'The' Wal-Mart my whole life and have seen some outrageous shit that could trump whatever you see on the peopleofwalmart site. And I say 'The' Wal-Mart because that's what a lot of skanky people like to call it. Hey, I don't make the rules, I just dominate shit.

People of The Wal-Mart

Since it's getting close to the holidays I'll even throw in something extra. When you are home for Christmas and get tired of Bloody Mary's and A Christmas Story marathon, head to your local Wal-Mart and see if you can complete a Wal-Mart bingo card. If all else fails, buy a couple of shotguns, saw the barrel in half and see if you can get yourself into our Hard Rollers hall of fame.

Wal-Mart Bingo Card

Who Would You Rather Bone: Hilton Edition

-OR-

Nikki vs Paris. I'd love to spend one night in either one of their sausage slots but if I've got to choose one and I'm going with Nikki. Paris is a little too whorish, hence the commercial where she washes/dry humps a Bentley all while keeping a giant burger intact. If I've told ya once I've told you a million times, only whores do burger commercials for Hardee's. Plus she usually has really short hair, and girls with short hair kinda creep me out. Nikki. All day. No rub. Final answer.

Who ya got Fix?

Does This Chick Who Called A Married Couple 6 Times Demanding A Threesome Role Hard?

Waterbury- A Waterbury woman has been charged with repeatedly calling a local female resident to demand that she and her husband join her in a sexual "threesome."
Anna Bambino, 30, of Pierpont Road, Waterbury, was charged Friday with breach of peace.
She was released on a written promise to appear in court.
Bambino called the couple's home about a half-dozen times, police said. Bambino, who is acquainted with the Monroe woman through a mutual friend, in each of the calls suggested the woman and her husband have three-way sex with her, police said
After officers confronted Bambino, she confessed to making the calls, police said. However, she claimed to have been intoxicated at the time, according to the police report.

I'm gonna go ahead and throw some facts out there:

• Chick is a lesbian and not the kind you want to play hide the bologna with.
• Chick was drunk.
• Chick obviously knew and was attracted to this couple.
• This ain't her first rodeo.
• If you told me to draw a picture of a butch chick with the last name 'Bambino' on a blank piece of paper, the above picture is what would have been my final product. No doubt.

All of the above concocts a recipe for disaster/great story. Throw in some Mad Dog 20/20 and it is 100% guaranteed to become a shit show. When I worked at a liquor store back in college a guy used to come through every day and buy two bottles of MD2020 and would open it up before he even gave me the buck .05 he owed me for it. A couple of months later he drove by, got his MD was arrested in the back parking lot of our store for DUI and trying to pick up a prostitute. All because of a couple of sips of purple Mad Dog. Shit is lethal. I don't fuck with it because I do weird enough shit as it is, I don't need help.

Anyway... we all know what Mad Dog can do. That's not the scary part. The scary part is that thing that is drinking the Dog. Where the fuck did she come from? If I had to choose between getting in a bed and have rough sex with her or Rampage Jackson, I say bring on Rampage. No way I'm letting Anna Bambino or her trucker's hat get close to Captain Clown Dog (that's what I call mine). The picture alone gave me terrible nightmares.

With all the circumstances, it's hard to say if Ms. Bambino really rolls hard because Mad Dog had a lot to do with it. The fact that their was very little detail about the conversation she had with them doesn't do her any justice, either. But I bet it had something to do with an executioners mask, Sweet and Sour chicken, a spiked baseball bat and some fuzzy hand cuffs just to mix it up a little bit. Throw in the classic Hard Rolling paraphernalia of some sawed off shotguns and you have yourself a winner. But Anna is leaving the Fix with a HR rating of 4.

Come a little harder next time, bitch.

Websites That Make The Internet Pretty Sweet: Awkward Family Photos- 2 Sites!

This is a great website to waste some time on as they are putting up seasonal pictures just in time for the holidays.

Welcome to the fucking carnival.

Had enough? No? Stuff your jolly ass with this similar site.

9 Days to Christmas

We're in the single digits.  Today I got for you something that goes right with the time of the season and what should be outside, snow.  From the comfort of your own home you can ski down those white mountains you fixers dream of (not the ones that go through your dollar bills and up your nose, Frey).  I don't know too much about the logistics of this thing because the language on the website is unfamiliar to T Bone, but it looks like it comes with a hydraulic system and all sorts of weird mechanical devices that'll get you jacked up when you're going down the slopes of your TV.

Here's the website to buy it, good luck reading anything

A Guy Who Doesn't Really Look Like Tiger Woods... Is Tiger Woods.

I am Tiger Woods from TWoods

The only good thing that is going to come out of this whole Tiger scandal are funny videos. This is probably one of the biggest if not THE biggest scandals to ever come out of sports, he is/was the most dominant athlete that the world has ever seen, and though he put all of this on himself, we are all now succumbed to watch fat old white men golfing again like the pre-Tiger renaissance. No more outrageous chip shots with the crowd going wild and Tiger doing his signature fist pump and no more heroic major wins like the PGA Championship on a broken leg. I hope I'm wrong, but I believe this is the sad ending of the Tiger era and though he will come back, I just don't see him coming back as great as we knew him before the whores and Ambien bonin'. But who knows, I mean, he still is Tiger Woods.

Extra: Tiger is now being linked to a Canadian doctor who is well known for supplying Performance Enhancing Drugs to professional athletes. This may just be the tip of the proverbial iceberg for Eldrick. If Tiger would have spent a little more time in the 80's watching WWF like The Pecker instead of wasting his time practicing golf he would have known better than to fuck with the Canadians when this guy roaming around and bustin' heads.

Hump Day Porn Star Of The Week: Priya Rai

Good Moonin' folks, good moonin'. As you rub out those little eye boogers you might notice that we went a little exotic with todays HDPSOTW. Her name is Priya Rai, she's an Indian (dot, not feather) she is new to the porn industry, and she's hotter than Pheonix in July. Enjoy.

It seems as if we are back on track today as El Peckerino got his dos intraneta back in working mode. We'll see how it goes. We've got a 'website's that make the internet pretty sweet' post coming at high noon that will make you shit your britches.... or atleast you might forward it to your friends.

Good day.

Reminder: If you have some fix-worthy material that you think we haven't seen or is pretty new, send it over to thepecker.fix@gmail.com. And for those of you dogging T-Bone's posts other than Filly of the Day, take it easy on him. He's sensitive to criticism.

Third Lew's Pic Corrected

I just realized that none of you got to see of how weird things got in the Big Apple over the weekend due to my mistake of uploading a picture.

Click here.

Santa Caught Drunk. Little Girl Screws Herself.

Sparta-A drunken Santa Claus prompts a mom to call 911 after he stumbles into her yard apparently looking for his reindeer and scaring her kids.
Officers ticketed 55-year-old Thomas Arnold of Sparta for having an open beer in a car. The man driving that car, 47-year-old Kevin Arnold, was arrested for OWI.
"He smelled like alcohol. So I knew it wasn't the real Santa because Santa doesn't drink alcohol," says 9-year-old Katie Dockerty.
Katie says the Santa that ended up in her lawn was loud and had really dirty hands. She says he tried to put his hat on her little sister. Six-year-old Zoe describes him in one word: “Drunk."
"He was yelling at them 'have you seen my reindeer? If you see my reindeer, call me right away,’" says Tina Reinart, the girls’ mom.
Reinart called the police instead.

Listen here, Katie. You should have just quit while you were still ahead. I'm sure every December during lunch at school you have that asshole, whose parents don't love him, telling all your classmates that Santa isn't real. Well this was your opportunity to take a picture and show the prick that you actually saw Santa Claus. You could have helped Santa look for his fucking reindeer and get him back to the North Pole safe and sound. But no, you decided to act like a little bitch all because Santa had been doing a little bit of boozing and lost Rudolph. If you would have been a good little girl and kept your mouth shut you could have gotten every present you've ever wanted but instead you are the reason that Santa is now getting butt-raped in Shawshank.

Enjoy your lump of coal, dickhead.

Pecker Gets His Internet Working. GAME ON!

Can we get this blog back to where it used to be now? Hell, I sat around work today in front of a computer for 5 hours with great stuff to blog about and it just couldn't come out. Call it what you want, but Pecker was spooked and couldn't shake it. All is well now though thanks to a sweaty Greek named George, who not only takes my trash out, fixes my toilet and calls midday cussing me out because I left my gas stove on for the 4th time this week, but obviously he knows shit about computers, too. Preciate the fuck out of ya, George.

Question: Is that a copy of Paul Blart- Mall Cop sitting beside my entertainment center?

Answer: You're god damn right it is. (honestly, someone asked me to take that back to Blockbuster for them like 3 months ago. Ain't happenin')

GAME ON!

Filly of the Day

We're back folks and today's Filly may damn well beat last week's.  Today's Filly is a different situation, she's bred from upper Tennessee but currently resides in the Commonwealth, making her able to qualify for the prized YDF position.  This is another sophomore from WKU, Sarahbeth, quite possibly my favorite Filly thus far.

I haven't seen a Filly fill out a bathing suit quite like this one in all of my day's of breathing.

I'm buried up to my neck with this one.

I like my Filly's nice and petite and this one's a nuke of a hand grenade.

I'm high in this one.

This is back when I used to lift weights and wear my hair in a mullet.  I have nothing else to say, the photos speak for themselves...  Enjoy looking at today's Filly.

14, 13, 12, 11, and 10 days to Christmas

Sorry I've left you fixers hanging on the prospective gifts.  So I'm going to cover all the days I missed in one.  Thank you Pecker for helping me out yesterday, I see your blonde and I raise you a brunette (see Filly of the Day, coming a little later).  Today, there are no big items, just a few stocking stuffers.

Item for day #14, a beer holster.  If you've ever been in the situation where you need both of your hands but still want to take that beer along with you, get this baby.  The price is $50 but it'd be well worth the sacrifice if you're wanting to feel both of those Filly's titty balls at once and still have your beer at your side.

Buy it here

 

Item for day #13, the driver drink container and pourer.  I don't care if you're playing with Kenny Perry and you shoot over a 100, you'll still be cool if you can whip one of these things out and pour a bourbon and coke.

Buy it here

 

Item for day #12, a tie with a picture of yourself on it.  A lot of people take pride in the tie they wear.  You get caught wearing a stupid tie and you look (what better way to say it?) stupid.  If you're cool enough, wear a tie with pictures of yourself on it.

Personalize your Tie here

 

Item for day #11, a beer belly.  Strap it on, fill it up, and drink it down.  This is the only way 'the more you drink the skinnier you look' phrase applies.

Beer Belly

And for today's item,  squeeze bacon.  I don't know how it would taste, but if its anywhere near as good as tasting as regular bacon, then it'd be amazing.

Get the Squeeze Bacon here for only $8

 

Happy Tuesday.. I Hate Kittens!

Surprised Kitty - Watch more Funny Videos


Good morning there.. I know this video has been out for a couple of weeks now and I didn't want to talk about it, but the fact that people are still raving about this kitten really chaps my ass. Mainly because in exactly one year this little fucker is gonna be scratching the shit out of everything in sight and hissing at dogs trying to fight them and shit. I've never met a cat that I trusted including this one. Yeah so you can act all cute and surprised so you put it on youtube for the world to see but I ain't buying it. You're probably planning a scheme to steal all of our Christmas presents as we speak. Get over yourself, cat.

Trying to get back in the groove of things this week so expect posts every couple of hours. My internet is down at my apt so don't think you're gonna get any late night lovin' unless T-Bone crashes the party.

PS. Dogs rule.

11 Days Til Christmas

The Pecker Tries New Music: Cage The Elephant

The good thing about having a hippy around my apartment all week was listening to all the random music he would play. While most of it sounds like ass, I became intrigued with a semi-new punk/blues/funk/rock band called Cage The Elephant. The weird thing is that I had never heard of them until now. They are a band made up in Bowling Green, KY and are getting pretty popular in the UK right now and have been featured in Rolling Stone magazine with one critic in London labeling them as 'the next big thing'. Hopefully they can reach their potential, but I have my doubts of how long the lead singer will actually live(pictured above).

Cage The Elephant - Ain't No Rest For The Wicked
Uploaded by UniversalMusicGroup. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

Cage The Elephant - In One Ear
Uploaded by est111. - Explore more music videos.

Excuse The Week Long Hiatus: Let's Do Some Monday Mornin' Shit: UPDATED

Hola amigos.. Sorry I haven't been around lately. I've had lots going on the past week including a hippy staying in my apartment for the past 5 days, I didn't get a lot done and I feel like shit from a 7 days of nothing but blood, sweat and whiskey but I feel refreshed and am ready to get back to YDF business.
If you think I got lazy and ran out of shit, I didn't. You probably think the whole apology I just gave was a load of bullshit.. But the picture below is proof that things got weird last week around The Pecker's household.
Incase you didn't know, this chest hair belongs to The Third Lew. He is the hippy who stayed in my apartment for 5 days. On Wednesday night he got hammered and though he would pay tribute to his Kentucky Wildcats after their win over UConn at MSG, luckily for me he let someone do this to him around 5:30 in the morning and turned my couch into a chest hair barber shop. It's supposed to be a UK sign but I convinced Lew that it looks more like the 'guy falling down on a wet floor sign'. He immediately regretted his decision after my comments. Go Cats.


Hilarious DUI Test - Watch more Funny Videos

Golfer's Ass

Predictions Predictions

I know its early December, but seeing the CATS dominate in the national limelight on a neutral court only got me about as excited as... TBone's Filly of the Day! Props to YDF'er Lew III and the other countless UK fans traveling to the Big Apple. It was awesome to see more blue n white then the the UConn pack who obviously had a much shorter trip.

Anyways I thought it would be interesting to hear everyone's take on an early Final Four Prediction. I've unfortunately been hindered on watching much college basketball this season, but have noticed a few things that are apparent this year. First off has to be streaks. UK being the prime example evident by.... well pretty much every game this year. Young teams = streakiness. Then there are streaks from an entire conference. Two conferences that have exemplified this are the Big Ten and the Pac-10. One conference is up and down each and every night, while the other is just streaky bad altogether. I'm sure you can figure the latter out pretty easily.

When it comes down to it, it seems like the best team in the country (NO not UK.... yet) is the team getting the least attention. Ultimately the Kansas Jayhawks right now are the best, most experienced team in the country and are definitely the front runners to win it all in my opinion. I would have the Cats joining them in Indy, as the surrounding cast will improve and become less reliant on a certain Mr. Wall aka Blue Jesus. A team that would rival Kentucky's speed and strength down low is Syracuse. That would be one helluva of a national championship game. And finally my dark horse would be Purdue. If they stay healthy their defense might be able to carry them all the way to a virtual home court semifinal.

My 4: UK, KU, Purdue, and Syracuse.

Lets hear yours Fixers

-THE TURK

who dat sed dey gon' beat dem saints

15 Days to Christmas

Today's item goes hand in hand with yesterday's.  We got a snorkel goggle set with a camera lens stored right on the cyclops.  The camera can take pictures or videos, so if you're in your blow up hot tub and you get the feeling that you're not going to get laid, throw on the goggles, dive underwater and get some footage of that Filly's cooter tail and yank your snake once she leaves.

Buy the Cooter Catching Goggles Set Here

Filly of the Day

I got a good one today boys.  Holly from UK, a blonde bombshell of a sophomore originally from Bowling Green.

She'll make heads turn as the lady in red.

Or crank necks at the beach.  Her stomach's flat and her chest is busty, what more could you ask for in a Filly?

She was a sailor for halloween so it seems, so take that as a heads up, she might like to get a little wet.

And she bleeds blue.  Good day fixers, remember to check back.  T Bone signing off.

Ya Gator Biatch.

16 Days to Christmas

As Christmas nears, it becomes time to think of what you want to find under your tree.  As I get older, the list seems to get smaller and smaller, making the joy of receiving less and less.  If the same thing's happening to you fixers out there, I want to put the problem to a cease my sharing an item a day until that big date comes upon us.

Blow Up Lazy Spa

Set this bad boy up in your living room and invite a few fillies over.  If you can't get laid with this thing in your bedroom then you might as well throw in the towel forever.

Dont get the Flu Shot!

There's been an incident with a hot girl who got the flu shot.  As you can see in the pictures the girl was a 9 going on a 10.  Now supposedly she has to walk backwards so that she doesn't jerk, Muhammad Ali times twenty.  But I'm not fooled.  What T Bone sees going on here is a ham who used to be in the spotlight, desperate to get back in it.  Fuck me if I'm wrong but walking backwards is the only way she can function normally?  Unlikely.  Well you made it, hot girl, you got on the fix, here's the remix.

Just A Heads Up.

Just so you know I'm not trying to pull a Dave Chapelle and stop everything I'm doing, I've been pretty busy and have actually been sick all day and don't feel like writing for you. Hopefully T Bone is spreading his young blogger wings and learning to fly all while stealing your hearts right from under me, but if not, well I don't know what to tell ya. Go hang out at lookatthisfuckinghipster.com. Always takes my mind off important shit.
I hope to get feeling better tomorrow and finish the week strong. If you don't know who tomorrow's 'HDPSOTD' is, well I guess you either don't watch the news or you don't follow the awesome life of Tiger Woods.
Have a great day! I'm gonna leave you with a joke I made up the other day.

Eddie Murphy - Bear & Rabbit (Delirious)
Uploaded by ehpc. - See more comedy videos.

Filly of the Day

I like to listen to what you fixers have to say, it really means a lot to ole' T Bone.  You tell me you want more bathing suit wearing Fillys, so what do I go and do?  I search for Filly's in bathing suits.  Today's Filly of the Day is from BBQ heaven, Owensboro, KY.  A sophomore at WKU, those sophomores seem to be just ripe, Cecilia.

Her and T Bone spent some good quality time together on Hilton Head Island this summer.

She rode me all summer long.

Putting her boobs on my shoulder...

Now, I also got a large amount of requests for Filly's at Halloween.  Unfortunately this Filly stayed away from the risque, but at least she's sucking on something.

Count it.