The Gleaner- Hendo Area News

Thegleaner.com--An Evansville woman reported to police that her soon-to-be-ex-husband stole ground beef from her freezer in retaliation for her cutting off his cable.
Officers with the Evansville Police Department were called to the scene of Jamie Brooks' Harriet Street apartment Wednesday night.
According to an incident report, Brooks alleged the man, who was not identified by police, stole ground beef from her freezer.
Brooks alleges that the ground beef was probably stolen as revenge to her cutting the cable lines that he had been pirating.
No arrests have been made.

Couldn't make this shit up folks. This unidentified man is roaming the streets of the Hendo, Evansville and Owensboro just looking for his next victim. How the fuck are we supposed to sleep at night when we don't even know if our ground beef is safe anymore. I already called Papa Pecker, he went to the Wal-Mart and bought 4 Master Locks for our deep freezer, I suggest you do the same because if you don't, I've got a simple math problem for ya: Hendo - Ground Beef + Pork = Swine Flu. This shit has got to be solved, chop fuckin' suey.

I know I am far away from home and catching criminals is a dirty job, but it's nothing that Pecker can't handle. I'm gonna throw out some suspects..

Suspect #1- Hamburglar

Suspect #2- Juan Pablo Montoya

Suspect #3- Ruben Studdart

Hamburglar may be too obvious here, but it is close to Halloween, so he's blending in like a fuckin' chameleon right now. Juan Pablo Montoya has been on a taco rage ever since the whole Bob Greise comments about him. And for the 3rd suspect, if that doesn't make you giggle, stay off my god damn blog.

With that being said, let me know who you think should be taken in for questioning in the comment section.

Hendo's Finest- Gleaner News

(Don't act like you didn't know it was 1 cup of milk instead of 2, stupid woman)

Gavin Lesnick-- A 53-year-old Henderson man is due in court today to face allegations he cut a woman with a pocket knife during a dispute Sunday night.
Rex A. Huff was arrested on preliminary charges of battery with a knife, domestic battery with a prior conviction, invasion of privacy and trespass. He is being held without bond pending the initial court appearance.
According to an Evansville Police Department probable cause affidavit, the victim invited Huff to her house in the 2100 block of West Virginia Street earlier Sunday. That night, the two got into an argument in the kitchen.
"(The victim) stated that Rex was sitting down at the kitchen table when all of a sudden, Rex pulled out his pocket knife, stood up and then approached her and cut her throat," police wrote in the affidavit.
The injury is described in police documents as a small cut to the left side of the victim's neck.
Police say Huff took the knife out of his pocket and placed it on the table when officers arrived but that he denied ever touching the victim.
The victim has a protective order against Huff, which was served in 2008. He was also barred from being at the residence.

I'm having a tough time with this one, folks.. Not real sure what the problem was or why the police were brought into this. Seems like an open and shut case to me. Mr. Rex Huff was sitting at the kitchen table, eating dinner obviously.. This chick thinks she can just shovel some watered down, half-assed Hamburger Helper onto his plate and call it a night? Well she learned pretty quick that Rex don't abide with that. When a man gets home from a long day of work, you better bring something better than this shit to the plate, or you're gonna get cut, plain and simple. I still remember the first time my Grandfather threatened to cut my Grandma and make her sleep on the porch for a week because she didn't have any A-1 sauce for his steak n' eggs.

So take this as a lesson for you Future Homemakers of America. This ain't The Housewives of the OC or whatever the hell gave you the idea that this behavior can fly. This is Hendo. Better bring your A-game, or your ass will bleed.

**Big ups to the annonomous Emailer who sent me this article.