I Can't Wait...

As you may know, the YDF Keeneland tailgate is this weekend and there should be no shortage of good food, good times and good booze. After I have been grossly over-served I'm probably going to be looking something like this......

Hump Day Randoms

• Couldn't be more excited for the NBA playoffs. Locks for the first round are the Lake Show, the Cavs, the Magic, the Heat, and the Spurs. Everything else is a toss up at best.
• Reds have looked pretty good so far this season or at least better than this guy expected. Now that I've said that they are probably jinxed from here on out.
  
• I heard some "Hey Dehlila" song come on at work last night undoubtedly sang by some whiny white dude followed by some good old Boys to Men and I don't have to tell you which one was a better pantie dropper. Thank god for black guys.
• Looks like the Cats are inching closer and closer to having the best recruiting class of all time. Word from a bird is that some of the commitments have already been made. Our bad.
  
• Big shout out to my boy Kid Curry who celebrated his 23rd yesterday. Hope it was a good one.
  
• Please, Please, Please don't sleep on this tailgate Saturday. If everything goes as planned things could be pretty cool.
• To that end the forecast looks great: Hot, Sunny, and lots of rock.
• The tailgate shirts look dope by the way. Order one and thank me later.
  
• Everybody get through the week by whatever means necessary and we'll see you at the track.
  

BRUCE PEARL IS A TOOL BELT

What the fuck? Let me start by saying this, before this came out I would go as far as saying that I liked Bruce Pearl. I think he would be fun to play for, seems to connect with his kids well and for the most part is a good coach. I especially became a fan when he felt up Erin Andrews. That being said, this is the ultimate old white guy sin. Don't try to be something you're not, especially a rapper. It's the kiss of death when it comes to shoving yourself into douche bag territory. Bruce Pearl just dove head first into douchbaggerdom. If he was on the fence with you before, being between a cool hip guy or a complete and utter tool shed, well obviously he has hurtled the fence and has become the latter. Bruce, do yourself and everyone else a favor and stop trying to be the cool hip dad that gives their underage kids booze and shops at American Eagle. You aren't cool, you aren't "down". Just go back to having gay sex with Pat Summit and having a second rate program to not only the football team but the women's team as well. You might have sniffed success in the recent past but I can't wait for the new and improved cats to drop another bomb on them next year. The Vol's ass still has to be hurting from that jailhouse shower job Jodie Meeks put on them when dropping 54 in their house. If I were coach Caliparty I would definitely show this to my kids before the game next year. I know there is nothing else that would get me more fired up to beat someones ass other than this.

BOOM ROASTED!

Kentucky's Son Did Us Proud...

On Sunday, after watching Kenny Perry let the coveted Green Jacket slip through his 48 year old fingers, I couldn't help but feel heartbroken for the guy. Being a close friend of his only son, Justin, I knew how important this was to himself, his family, and the entire Franklin, KY community. When it ended, I felt the need to write something about Kenny's accomplishments on our blog, but after reading Hugh Downs' thoughts from Sunday's final round, I think the only thing I have left to say is; give 'em Hell next year, KP.


AUGUSTA, Ga. -- Here's the thing about losing in golf.

You can't blame the referees. You can't blame the replay official. You can't blame the bullpen or the pass protection or the goalie or the offensive coordinator.

At least in tennis you can blame the opponent. Maybe he has a great serve and that's what caused all the trouble, but who gets served a putt? The ball sits there, you hit it. If it doesn't go to the right place, everyone looks at you-know-who.

It's an organization of one. The caddie carries the bag, but you carry the burden.

This is why golfers often make the most intriguing losers. In a culture in which personal accountability went out with phone booths -- disappointment or failure is always somebody else's fault -- the buck still stops with them.

Which brings us to the runner-up in the 2009 Masters. Grace, thy name is Kenny Perry.

He might not have a green jacket hanging in a locker at Augusta National Golf Club, and next year on the night of the Masters champions' dinner, he might be eating at McDonald's. But he gets a star on the also-ran walk of fame.

There's another other thing about golf. Sometimes the loser gets remembered more than the winner. Greg Norman's Sunday Masters disaster in 1996 is legend. But, uh, who won?

(Time's up. Nick Faldo.)

We know what winners in our team sports are supposed to do. They pour champagne on one another. They ride in a parade. They go to Disney World. They say something like, "Nobody gave us any respect. Nobody expected us to be here except the people in that locker room."

We have never really decided how we want the second-place finishers to act. Complain, and they're sore losers. Cry, and there is a question about poise. Laugh, and maybe they just didn't care enough. Shift the blame, and they're making excuses.

In Kenny Perry's doctrine on how to act when it feels like you've had your heart ripped out with a 7-iron, you shake the other man's hand and tell the world you're proud of him.

You count your blessings and remind everyone that a lot of people out there are struggling, and you just picked up a bundle for four days of golf, so save the sympathy.

And then you go call your mother -- the one fighting cancer.

Most amazingly, you set an all-time course record for candor, discussing why maybe you didn't win in the end: "Great players make it happen, and your average players don't. And so that's the way it is."

Imagine how that might translate to other sports:

*October. The Boston Red Sox beat the New York Yankees in Game 7 of the American League Championship Series when Derek Jeter strikes out with bases loaded in the ninth.

Jeter afterward: "I am proud of Jonathan Papelbon."

*June. The Los Angeles Lakers win the NBA title as Kobe Bryant scores 47 points. The poor slob assigned to guard him is asked his reaction.

"A great player scores, and an average player can't stop him. And so that's the way it is."

Probably not.

In Perry's case, this was maturity talking. The nation is divided into two camps -- those who remember black-and-white television and those who don't. Perry, pushing 49, is the former. It is so rare to see a man this close to both winning a major golf championship and qualifying for the seniors' discount at Krispy Kreme.

So he gave a lesson last weekend. Maybe not on how to play No. 18 on Sunday at The Masters, but on how a man should carry himself.

The next time I see a college basketball coach spend half the game raging at the officials ... or a sullen star explode over some imagined slight ... or a millionaire athlete talk about how the new contract for a lousy $10 million is an insult ... I am going to think of Kenny Perry.

Sometimes a great player makes it happen and an average player makes us think. That's the way it is.

-Hugh Downs- The American Chronicle

Quality Veteran of the Week

SUZY KOLBER, 44


She is synonymous with NFL football and sex appeal. This week's QV is Suzy Kolber, a sideline reporter for ESPN's Monday Night Football. Any chick that is sexy and can explain to you the cover 2 is an absolute 10 in my book. She might not have all the physical characteristics that some of the other QVs have had but its the mental edge that she possesses which keeps her performing at a high level. She's got the toughness and wherewithal to look hot and dodge Broadway Joe's famous druken rape attempt on the sidelines of a Monday Night game. The only one who was Sssstrrruuuuuggglllinng was Joe. Suzy, even when being brushed back by a high hard one, still dug back in and got the job done. Handled in the way a classy lady like her should. As long as she's looking good and still giving us the inside look into what's going on down on the sidelines she will remain a top performer.

Paulus to the pros... In Football that is

Former Duke University point guard Greg Paulus has reportedly went back to his first love; the gridiron, where he was a stand out Quarterback for Christian Brothers Academy in Syracuse, N.Y.

It has been reported that Paulus is scheduled to workout for a number of NFL teams one of which being the Green Bay Packers who sent representatives to check out the QB prospect a couple of days ago...

Although Paulus hasn't taken a snap in 4 years, he still has the talent that earned him Gatorade player of the year honors coming out of high school. If Paulus is to squeeze his way into the National Football League, he will be among a number of notable athletes who jumped sports to follow their hearts after there college careers... Charlie Ward the former Knickerbocker who left behind his Heisman trophy for a pair of shorts and a Patrick Ewing hug, also Antonio Gates who dropped the round ball, for a not so round ball...

Anything is possible... Good luck G.P. (the UN-Gary Payton)

Mike Tyson Documentary

James Toback, director and friend to Mike Tyson for over 20 years has produced a new documentary titled simply Tyson, which takes us on a ride from the boxers tragic beginnings through his rise to superstardom to the man he has become today.

I've seen a lot of press for this film in some local magazines up here in the Big Apple and I've gotta say I'm really excited to see this one.

I'm going to try to keep everybody posted on this flick, but until then, check out the link embedded in the title for a run down of what we're in store for.....

Nintendo's All Time Top Five

It’s time to turn back the clock to a simpler time. A time when all that mattered in a young man’s life was Nintendo. Yes, we are going back to the days of game genie, blowing on the bottom of a game to clean it off and sticking other games in the slot above the active games so your Nintendo system wouldn’t shut off. Without further ado here are the 5 best Nintendo games of all time.

5. Duck Hunt

Duck Hunt was the embodiment of human interaction and technology. Up until then you had to make gun noises with your mouth and hope your friends played dead when you shot them in the imaginary war games in the backyard. But now you were pitted against slow and stupid ducks in which you could get right up on the screen and fucking blast them… and no you can not shoot the dog… It is an urban myth that's as absurd as seeing "Bloody Mary" in a pitch black shitter.




4. RBI Baseball

RBI was the first and last baseball game ever invented. To this day RBI Baseball stands the test of time and can still be played for hours on end. I used to play with Jake Combs and we would both be the Cardinals, who had about six guys who couldn’t be thrown out on ground ball to the pitcher. He would get in run downs with Vince Coleman and pace back and forth between the bases until my thumbs went numb and threw the ball away. I still get frustrated over thinking about it.




3. Mike Tyson’s Punchout

I wasted more time on this game taking the short cuts to Tyson, 007-373-5693, and getting my ass handed to me in the first 20 seconds then I did spazing out on ritalin in reading class in the third grade.

Toughest

Mr. Sandman - I always envisioned myself being able to drop that roll punch in a fight in school…. I did practice in front of the mirror on multiple occasion. But I wasn’t 6’4, I didn’t have a gherri curl and I wasn’t black.

Tyson – Like trying to dodge bullets with a blindfold on.

Bald Bull 2 - The Bull Charge was probably the most devastating combo in the history of fighting games. I’d love to see an MMA’er pull that shit out of a bag.

Super Macho Man – The Super Macho Punch was tought to defend plus this dude had to have been a part time porn start with that slick gray wig and his huge speedo buldge. Not that I was looking.

Piston Honda 1 - Anybody who claims they beat Piston Honda in the first 20 times they fought him are fucking lying. TKO from Tokyo!!!

Easiest

Flamingo – What a total D-Bag.

Magic Tiger – Was all about timing with this camel jockey.

Von Kaiser- You could get so many uppercut stars on this Ken Kasacavage look a like Nazi.

Soda Popinski – Most over rated fighter in the game… and plus he was fucking Purple. I lost to him once and saw the “chicken balk tittie flex” and it never happened again.

King Hippo – Easiest opponent if you were patient enough to wait for his punches but if you had severe ADD and couldn’t sit still this one would go deep in the rounds... Yep I found out from experience.





2. Tecmo Bowl

Tecmo Bowl was the first introduction of Pro Football to many of us as a children. If gave us the perception that… there are only 4 plays in an offensive playbook (3 runs and 1 pass… Unless you were the 49ers or Dolphins, 3 pass and 1crun), QB’s could throw the ball 90 yards in the air, you can’t stop the Raiders run game even if you select the only play Bo Jackson ran and that Lawrence Taylor is the “kick blockingest, interception gettingest, quarterback sackingest baddest muthafucka” on the planet. (Tecmo Bowl was proceeded by Tecmo Superbowl which in my opinion is more superior for two reasons 1.) Game Stats 2.) Barry Sanders.)


1. Contra

Much like masterbation and grabbing tits in the movies is for a 13 year old boy the adventures of Bill and Lance on their journey to destroy Red Vile in the New Zealand jungles and save the planet was the highlight of my life as a 9 year old. Who could ever forget Contra! I have forgotten family member’s birthdays, my social security number and even how to do long subtraction but for some reason… Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A start will be etched into my brain for eternity. Any game where you can start the game with infinite lives and all the weapons is tops in my books especially when one of the weapon was more destructive than your grandmother Aquanet can and a lighter… Yes I’m talking about the Spread Shotgun. If only our military minds would have works for Konomi the late 80’s would we not be safe from terror of Bin Ladin. (If you have the time...Watch below... The guy beats Contra in under 15 minutes without getting killed... This is right there with the invention of electricity!)








Hon Mention. World Class Track Meet w/ Power Pad

The only way to beat Rabbit in the 100 was on your hands and knees.

HM. Excitebike

Great…. except was only one player and I always fucking overheated!!!





HM. Double Dribble

How could you ever forget the announced opening up the game with “Dwouble Dwibble”.





HM. Blades of Steel

I didn’t understand hockey nor had I ever seen it… to an adolescent in Kentucky the sport itself was as far fetched as the big white flying dog in the Neverending Story… But it did have one thing… One on One fist fights!!!

Redemption Song.

Public interest law firm, Freedom Watch USA, has filed a $200 Billion class action lawsuit on behalf of the AIG shareholders. The lawsuit names, among others, current Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, former Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, and former SEC (not the athletic conference) Chairman Christopher Cox as defendants. The lawsuit has been quoted as being the beginning to a second American Revolution formed by the citizens of America themselves, not the ruling elite who have run our country's economic system into the ground.

The lawsuit alleges the defendents have seriously undermined and damaged AIG's financial health and reputation through the high risk credit default swap derivative contracts and collaterizing debt obligations that have dropped the company's value from approximately $217 billion in 1990 to today's estimated $3.5 billion. After posting a record breaking $62 billion loss in the 4th quarter of 2008, AIG's executives received multi-million dollar bonuses awarded by the defendants of the lawsuit.

Thomas Jefferson once said, "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants..." Assuming that this lawsuit is a success, the American people can finally believe in the judicial system once again, even if only a little bit.

Breaking News

University of Kentucky big man Patrick Patterson is putting his name in the NBA draft pool but not hiring an agent. Seems like a great move for him whether he comes back or not. Best of luck big fella.

On This Day In History...

...The Invention of Easter Eggs is Explained...

Happy Easter Fixers...It's been 11 years since Easter fell on April 12th. And quite an eventful day the 12th of the 4th month of the year has been historically. We all know YDF'ers are history buffs, so such things as England adopting the Union Jack as their National Flag in 1606, the Civil War starting at Ft. Sumter in Charleston, SC as the Confederate Troops fired on the Norf in 1861, or even Harvard Catcher, James Tyng wearing a modified fencing mask behind the plate in 1877, in what would eventually be referred to as the first Catcher's Mask, forever saving the pearly whites of C's everywhere, are the types of things we read about in our free time. Really, the only negative thing that happened on this day, in the past 400 years was in 2001 when Cincinnati Mayor Charlie Luken declared a state of emergency as residents of Over-The-Rhine and other parts of Cincy absolutely demolished stores, buildings and other structures in Riots that cost a stifling $3.6 Million in damages. That is in the past and Cincy, after hitting rock bottom, is slowly starting to rebuild, not starting with the Bengals... The Columbia Spaceship, on the other hand, took it's first test launch in 1981, 20 years after the first human went into outerspace. Also on April 12, 2004, 'the man whose arms exploded' Barry Bonds hit his 660th career homerun to tie The Say Hey Kid for 3rd all time. Eventually taking the cake and hitting the most career HR's, Barry Bonds is still a jackass.

Some notable Birthdays: Herbie Hancock turns 69, Author Tom Clancy (62), David Letterman (62), Actor Tom Noonan (58), Andy Garcia (53).

Foo Yourself

Came across this while I was looking for music to get me pumped for work...which isn't easy to do on a Friday night. Somehow the Foo never disappoints.