The Pecker's Starring Role

So I'm working on my editor's reel for work and I come across an old film (circa 2007) starring The Pecker himself...

Move Over, Terrell Owens and Jeff Reed. Jimmy Clausen Is Headed To The League, And He Wants your 'NFL's Biggest Douchebag' Title.

That's right World. Jimmy is coming to douche up the NFL with 0 of the 3 Heisman Trophys and none of the 2 National Championships he predicted he would win. Good call, you fucking dickhead.

Who Would You Rather Bone? (College Football Edition)

-OR-

Colt McCoy's girlfriend or Tim Tebow's alleged girlfriend.

First of all Colt's obviously holding his own here but he's probably got the same morals and lots more to choose from than yours truly. No bueno if you ask me-o. That means there is no telling what kinda fungus is eating at her genitals. I'm going with Tebow's girl. I mean, look at the fun bags on that hose-hound.

WHO YA GOT, fix?

(the pictures are totally unfair and heavily favor Ms. (alleged) Tebow, sue me)

Websites That Make The Internet A Pretty Sweet Place: Sketchy Santas

http://www.sketchysantas.com/

There's really nothing I can say about this site that the picture above doesn't tell. Santa is a jolly ol' fella that probably reads the Fix on an hourly basis but in all actuality he is a completely creepy dude that I am glad only comes around for one month out of the year. That's right Santa, I'll let you drop off that new set of irons I put at the top of my list but after you finish the milk and cookies... Back. The. Fuck. Up. Pecker don't want no trouble.

This reminds me though, this weekend in NYC there is a celebration called SantaCon and its just a shit load of drunks dressed as Santa or anything Christmas related and do a bar hop/convention. Thankfully the Third Lew and our secretary, Ja Moon, will be up here staying with El Peckerino for the Kentucky vs. UConn game and will to experience SantaCon, also. Expect a post about it next Monday with some good pictures, of course. Needless to say I'm pumped.

Santacon

PS. I apologize I wasn't there for you this morning. I'm... I'm embarrassed. Pecker went out watching football yesterday at an all-you-can-drink screw drivers and Coors Light. I pissed my pants and forgot who I was for about half an hour. Forgive me.

**Big ups to Reed Smith in Paducah for the site. P-Town run it!

HAPPY MONDAY AT THE FIX

Good Morning Fixers, its Monday. This video below serves as a little teaser of what's in store for you fixaddicts this week.

Sorry about the stupid advertisement.

Monday lights - Watch more Funny Videos

So It Turns Out Oregon Didn't Implode After That One Game.

Question: What's the difference between Oregon Students and Oregon football players after a victory over Oregon State and a Rose Bowl berth?

Answer: Students passed the Duck. Players passed the 'Beaver'.

...amirite?

Websites That Make The Internet Pretty Sweet:Look At This Fucking Hipster Dot Com

http://www.latfh.com/

New York has it's pros and cons just like any city. But one of the pros is that no matter how down on yourself you can be or how much you are thinking about how cruel life is, at least you aren't a fucking hipster. I mean seriously, I HATE hipsters. These pansy ass dudes walk around in blouses like they are a God with whom they probably don't believe in, and because they know a shitty band called Hitler Loves Waffles or The Sweatpant Boners, they are better than me? Get real you fucking hipster. I listen to normal people music because I'm normal. We get jobs and don't spend our lives in tattoo parlors for 65 hours a day finding that perfect font for our new 'I hate my grandmother' tattoo.
Thankfully they only come to Manhattan in the day time to bathe in the Columbus Circle fountain and by nightfall they prance back to their teepees in Brooklyn.
Fucking hipsters.

The Gleaner- Hendo Area News.

A Newburgh woman is in jail in Evansville for allegedly biting her boyfriend during an argument at her grandmother’s home at 1523 W. Louisiana St. Thursday afternoon.
Police were dispatched to the Louisiana Street address Thursday afternoon after the pair apparently got into a fight over finances.
Coltan Sutton, 21, met police at the door and told them he was trying to grab a suitcase from his girlfriend, Megan Rodriguez, 21, when she bit him, leaving what police said was a visible bite mark on his arm.
Sutton refused medical treatment but Rodriguez was arrested on a charge of domestic battery and is in the Vanderburgh County Jail on a $500 cash bond pending a court appearance.

Can you believe this fucking guy? I've gone almost two whole weeks without getting any play and now I have to live with the fact that there is some asshole 600 miles away in Indiana (go figure) that needs back up when his girlfriend tries to pull of some kinky shit. If you don't want anything to do with it that is fine, but this is not a situation where 9-1-1 should be dialed. I swear you can call me for certain situations like this and I will be more than pleased to take the problem off your hands. Here are some examples of my services to take an unwanted chick off your hands or maybe even some other kind of emergencies that I'm willing to help with, but remember there are some things you still need 911 for.

• Your girlfriend and your mother want a 3-some? 555-PCKR
• An 18 year old chick shows up at your doorstep naked with tube socks and you're 34? 555-PCKR
• Your pitbull is eating the face off your new born baby? 911
• You are really looking forward to guys poker night with the boys and you just remembered it's your 50th wedding anniversary? 555-PCKR
• You see a fat bitch in Victoria's Secret? 911
• A fat hairy woman roofies you at a bar and carries you back to her dungeon?...............555-PCKR
• Your weed got stolen by a nazi? 555-PCKR
• Someone stabs you in the face with an ice pick? 911
• A cougar seduces you in a Louisville restaurant and you are a married, well known basketball coach who is firmly against abortion? 555-PCKR

So just remember Coltan Sutton, just because you are either a. scared of the tail or b. so incredibly bombarded with puss that you can't please everyone, call 555-PCKR next time. The police have other shit to tend to.

Speaking of Lineman...

Billy Bob from Varsity Blues fame has lost like 1000 pounds... Appearently he didn't "want his life" anymore. (had to throw that one in.) Billy Bob we here at the fix a proud of you and as long as you still "fear no faggots (not that there is anything wrong with that) from Bingville" we got your back.

Ryan Ruesch look-a-like anybody?

Notice The Greatness.

Hillary Fisher, I would eat raw chicken out of your butt tunnel.

**Big ups to Josh B. in Houston, TX for the heads up.

Move Over Eric Wood/Joe Theisman...(Edited)

That just happened! CLJ

(If you can watch this with out cringing/crying/throwing up in your mouth CLJ will let you let me take your mom to pleasuretown. Best belieed dat!)

Tired Of That Game Yet? More Tiger... In R & B!!!!

One of the funnier things I've seen since the whole Tiger fiasco. If you haven't heard his voicemail yet here is a link.

**Big ups to Paige in Cali-fornia.