The Gleaner- Hendo Area News.

A Newburgh woman is in jail in Evansville for allegedly biting her boyfriend during an argument at her grandmother’s home at 1523 W. Louisiana St. Thursday afternoon.
Police were dispatched to the Louisiana Street address Thursday afternoon after the pair apparently got into a fight over finances.
Coltan Sutton, 21, met police at the door and told them he was trying to grab a suitcase from his girlfriend, Megan Rodriguez, 21, when she bit him, leaving what police said was a visible bite mark on his arm.
Sutton refused medical treatment but Rodriguez was arrested on a charge of domestic battery and is in the Vanderburgh County Jail on a $500 cash bond pending a court appearance.

Can you believe this fucking guy? I've gone almost two whole weeks without getting any play and now I have to live with the fact that there is some asshole 600 miles away in Indiana (go figure) that needs back up when his girlfriend tries to pull of some kinky shit. If you don't want anything to do with it that is fine, but this is not a situation where 9-1-1 should be dialed. I swear you can call me for certain situations like this and I will be more than pleased to take the problem off your hands. Here are some examples of my services to take an unwanted chick off your hands or maybe even some other kind of emergencies that I'm willing to help with, but remember there are some things you still need 911 for.

• Your girlfriend and your mother want a 3-some? 555-PCKR
• An 18 year old chick shows up at your doorstep naked with tube socks and you're 34? 555-PCKR
• Your pitbull is eating the face off your new born baby? 911
• You are really looking forward to guys poker night with the boys and you just remembered it's your 50th wedding anniversary? 555-PCKR
• You see a fat bitch in Victoria's Secret? 911
• A fat hairy woman roofies you at a bar and carries you back to her dungeon?...............555-PCKR
• Your weed got stolen by a nazi? 555-PCKR
• Someone stabs you in the face with an ice pick? 911
• A cougar seduces you in a Louisville restaurant and you are a married, well known basketball coach who is firmly against abortion? 555-PCKR

So just remember Coltan Sutton, just because you are either a. scared of the tail or b. so incredibly bombarded with puss that you can't please everyone, call 555-PCKR next time. The police have other shit to tend to.