Who Would You Rather Bone? (Entourage Threesome Edition)

-OR-

By far the toughest one we have had so far. Last night I started watching some older episodes of Entourage and although I think E has become the gayest guy on TV, he pulled off an epic threesome with these two. For a while I thought Sloan might be the baddest chick on the planet, after googling the blonde, Malin Akerman, I have to say that she is on the same level (plus she showed her tits on Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle). Either way, I would perform a labotomy on myself with a spoon if it got me one ticket to poundtown with these two.

Pecker is going with Sloan (the brunette). I've spent way too many nights thinking about how she would look if she were butt ass naked with some tube socks on. Can't pass this opportunity up. Whichever girls wins gets a full post of pictures tomorrow. Baleee dat.

Who ya got Fix?

Sent From My iPhone

Question: Is that a knitted sweater with a catfish on it?

Answer: You're God damn right it is.

Gratuitous Post- Sara Jean Underwood

UPDATE: The following is a text I received from The Third Lew after posting these pics.
'I would suck a fart out of Sara Jean Underwood's ass and hold it in like a bong rip'

If You Can't Beat 'Em.... Call An 800 Number

Is this ad fucking serious? I guess I should call and see what this is about, because the only way that I would take the side of the Bully Patrol is if they send a hit man to kill the bastard that is picking on little Timmy, the schoolhouse quadriplegic. I doubt that, so there is no way I'm gonna promote this shit.

Whatever happened to a father teaching their kids a little self defense or sitting them down to let them know that they better not take shit from anyone. I'll never forget what my Dad told me about fighting when I was in the 3rd grade. I had just gotten off the bus and I came in the house to tell him about how Joseph, the 6 ft tall 8 year old, beat the living shit out of a smaller kid because he scored a soccer goal on him during recess. Daddy Pecker sat me down right then and told me that if I am ever out-numbered or against someone bigger than me I should "grab whatever is around me, whether its a chair, a lunch tray or a fucking baseball bat covered with 6 inch, AIDS infested nails and start swinging for the fences". To this day I still live by that creed and probably will until it lands me in prison.

So all you kiddo Fixers take this as a lesson from Uncle Pecker. Don't throw in the towel and let the bully win by calling a pussy ass help line, take my advice. Next time he knocks your books out of your arm in the hallway, slap him in the dick, grab the fire extinguisher, pound him in the face until all of his teeth have fallen out and then scalp him with the 12 inch Swiss Army knife that you got in your Christmas stocking. Don't forget your paper sack, because that bloody scalp will be rad as fuck for show-n-tell. Talk about a panty dropper.

PS.. The fact that this ad is right beside a Maroon 5 poster doesn't surprise me one god damned bit. Guarantee every kid that calls this number also has a fucking Maroon 5 album in their trapper keeper.

O'Doyle Rules!



**Big ups to BroDude in San Fran for the pic.

Happy Monday, Fix!

Wow, what a weekend in the college sports world. How Charlie Weis has not been fired yet is still one of the biggest wonders even The Pecker cannot explain. The only way I see Notre Dame rising back to prominence is to hire Nick Saban as head coach with Urban Meyer as his offensive coordinator and Pete Carroll as a recruiter/sorority house panty stealer. Not only will they have to spend a pretty penny to get a top-notch coach, but they will also have to pay Charlie Weis' buyout, which right now would be 18 milly. So go ahead and PAY like a champion today, you fucksticks.
Oregon used the power of their douchey, Ed Hardy-esque jerseys to put themselves in a showdown with Oregon St. next week for the Pac 10 title. The winner of that game gets to shit down the proverbial necks of The Ohio State University in the Rose Bowl, which is nice.
Kentucky stole a win from Georgia to give them their 7th win of the season to set up a game for the ages in the UK fan's mind as they take on UT in a game the Volunteers consider the annual forfeit game, due to Kentucky's 24 game losing streak. If that is not enough to get motivated for, maybe this bulletin board material will help courtesy of the Chattanooga Times:

"Moreover, a winning season sets the tone for all the Kiffin seasons to follow, even if it wasn't a championship season.
But it should conclude as a 7-5 regular season, given the annual unofficial forfeit they figure to pick up against Kentucky, which would be the Vols' 25th straight in the series. Rumor has it that UT is even considering wearing silver pants and helmets to honor the occasion.
That should earn a respectable bowl bid (Chick-fil-A, perhaps) and an extra month of practice. It should help recruiting, not that Kiffin appears to need much in that department."

Ouch.

Have a great day folks, stay tuned.

OchoCinco Condoms

Found this on Chad Johnson's twitter page.. What the fuck is he thinking?

http://twitpic.com/qb0k8

How did I get here???

There are numerous socioeconomic indicators that are held in high prestige to describe/differentiate the population masses of mother Earth. Some of the more popular and obvious are Education, Income, Crime and Quality of Life but those however are very intangible. One may think that you could give a glance at the real estate or automobiles of said surroundings and receive an accurate accord of the current social schema but after witnessing the the clusterfuck that is the current economic meltdown and some of the contributing factors it's very feasible that any broke, uneducated douchebag could own a ginormous house and drive a Bentley. See MC Hammer, Antoine Walker and Mortgage Brokers. So today what I have for you is a fool-proof, tangible and tasty way to demographically decipher your locale of choice. Ladies and gentleman without further ado I welcome the "Aparagas Scale"... In theory you can use the retail monetary value of asparagus as a accurate socioeconomic litmus test. According to the UDSA the average retail price of Asparagus is $2.75 and will hold as true to the working/middle class as Rosanne Arnold and the Cul-De-Sac. So when you see $2.65 asparagus at your local grocery store know that the shoppers around you probably have a combined household income of $65k, drive either a minivan, station wagon or truck, have tried the Atkins or South Beach diet, have been or either will be divorced, may or may not have finished junior college, shop at JcPenneys or Sears and root for Ohio State or the Pittsburgh Steelers. With that being said any deviation above $2.65 on the scale shall trend positive in sectors of Education, Health, Income, Crime and Quality of Life. This is vice versa for the adverse side of $2.65. So now that you've taken a looked at the picture from my neck of the woods (posted above)you've probaly come to two conclusions... #1. There probably aren't any Starbucks or Hummer Dealerships near by. #2. "Sparragas"...Really???

My comments ...

#1. Does the Pope shit in the woods?
#2. Spellcheck ceases to exist in "the Mission"... Even Bill Gates hasn't figured that shit out!

CLJ

I Know a Speilberg Film When I See One

Drunk Woman Ruins Wedding - Watch more Funny Videos



This reminds me of the time I watched Schindler's List. Though the film is primarily shot in black and white, red is used to distinguish a little girl in a coat. The red coat symbolizes the fact that there was a loss of innocence among all the children who were faced with the horrors of the Holocaust, in that they were forced to grow up much faster than many other children of that time period. Later in the film, the girl is seen among the dead, recognizable only by the red coat she is still wearing.
Do you think Steven Speilberg had something to do with this video? Come on, he had to, right? The drunk girl grinding her shit all over the pole symbolizes the little Jewish girl while everyone else is acting respectable in their black and white tuxedos and dresses being 'grown ups'. It's obvious that the red dress symbolizes that she is a drunken whore who usually fucks up weddings and the dancing around builds anticipation for the climatic ending. I mean who really wears a red dress to a black tie event besides a skank like this one. Speilberg, I know your dirty little tricks. You can't get that shit past The Pecker.

Either way, bitch rolls hard. Have a great weekend.

Miners vs Welders: The Capulets and Montagues of Hendo

It's all fun and games until a welder fucks a coal miners daughter and someone gets shot in the face. Can we get some peace in Hendo? Shit's getting rediculous.

**Big ups to Hendo folks for snapping this pic.

Who Would You Rather Bone?

-OR-

UPDATED: If people don't start voting in the comment section, next week I'm gonna use Sittin' on the Toilet Girl in every WWYRB. Interaction people.

Aunt Jackie from the show Roseanne or Jodie Foster. This is a toss-up. Jackie is pretty skanky and doesn't really seem to have her life together and Jodie Foster looks like a man and talks funny. Given my deep history with skanks who don't really have their life together, I think I'm gonna venture for something different and 'put the lotion on its skin' with Jodie.

Who ya got Fixers?

**Big ups to Nathan from the hills and hollers of Sturgis, KY for the suggestion.

It's Friday!!!

That video reminds me of myself when I'm at the club. That's the only dance move I've got and it makes bitches melt.

I'm not sure if you were listening to me yesterday but when reminding you about the Thursday Night NFL game I told you to start Ricky Williams in fantasy if you had him.

Quick stat line: 22 carries for 125 yards 2 TDs. 2 receptions for 19 yards and 1 TD. BOOM goes the dynamite.

Is This The Worst Mugshot Ever?

I couldn't wait. Usually I wait for the morning to post this shit, but I came across this on a website of Tampa Bay mugshots and I just had to post it. I don't know what this guy did or how he ended up like this, but it's pretty a amazing photo.