Is this ad fucking serious? I guess I should call and see what this is about, because the only way that I would take the side of the Bully Patrol is if they send a hit man to kill the bastard that is picking on little Timmy, the schoolhouse quadriplegic. I doubt that, so there is no way I'm gonna promote this shit.
Whatever happened to a father teaching their kids a little self defense or sitting them down to let them know that they better not take shit from anyone. I'll never forget what my Dad told me about fighting when I was in the 3rd grade. I had just gotten off the bus and I came in the house to tell him about how Joseph, the 6 ft tall 8 year old, beat the living shit out of a smaller kid because he scored a soccer goal on him during recess. Daddy Pecker sat me down right then and told me that if I am ever out-numbered or against someone bigger than me I should "grab whatever is around me, whether its a chair, a lunch tray or a fucking baseball bat covered with 6 inch, AIDS infested nails and start swinging for the fences". To this day I still live by that creed and probably will until it lands me in prison.
So all you kiddo Fixers take this as a lesson from Uncle Pecker. Don't throw in the towel and let the bully win by calling a pussy ass help line, take my advice. Next time he knocks your books out of your arm in the hallway, slap him in the dick, grab the fire extinguisher, pound him in the face until all of his teeth have fallen out and then scalp him with the 12 inch Swiss Army knife that you got in your Christmas stocking. Don't forget your paper sack, because that bloody scalp will be rad as fuck for show-n-tell. Talk about a panty dropper.
PS.. The fact that this ad is right beside a Maroon 5 poster doesn't surprise me one god damned bit. Guarantee every kid that calls this number also has a fucking Maroon 5 album in their trapper keeper.
O'Doyle Rules!
**Big ups to BroDude in San Fran for the pic.
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