Creepers... There's Even An App For Them.

Have a Happy Halloween fixers! The Pecker is peace'd out for the weekend, but that doesn't mean some of the other Founding Fixers don't have something in store for you. See ya Monday.

The Gleaner- Hendo Area News

Thegleaner.com--An Evansville woman reported to police that her soon-to-be-ex-husband stole ground beef from her freezer in retaliation for her cutting off his cable.
Officers with the Evansville Police Department were called to the scene of Jamie Brooks' Harriet Street apartment Wednesday night.
According to an incident report, Brooks alleged the man, who was not identified by police, stole ground beef from her freezer.
Brooks alleges that the ground beef was probably stolen as revenge to her cutting the cable lines that he had been pirating.
No arrests have been made.

Couldn't make this shit up folks. This unidentified man is roaming the streets of the Hendo, Evansville and Owensboro just looking for his next victim. How the fuck are we supposed to sleep at night when we don't even know if our ground beef is safe anymore. I already called Papa Pecker, he went to the Wal-Mart and bought 4 Master Locks for our deep freezer, I suggest you do the same because if you don't, I've got a simple math problem for ya: Hendo - Ground Beef + Pork = Swine Flu. This shit has got to be solved, chop fuckin' suey.

I know I am far away from home and catching criminals is a dirty job, but it's nothing that Pecker can't handle. I'm gonna throw out some suspects..

Suspect #1- Hamburglar

Suspect #2- Juan Pablo Montoya

Suspect #3- Ruben Studdart

Hamburglar may be too obvious here, but it is close to Halloween, so he's blending in like a fuckin' chameleon right now. Juan Pablo Montoya has been on a taco rage ever since the whole Bob Greise comments about him. And for the 3rd suspect, if that doesn't make you giggle, stay off my god damn blog.

With that being said, let me know who you think should be taken in for questioning in the comment section.

Douchebags Unite

We Are Douchebags - watch more funny videos

I don't think this video is old? Is it old? Sorry if it's old, and I would appreciate it if you don't call me out if it is, douchebag.

Post edit: Notice they did not mention NCAA Football 2010, therefore Peckerooski > Douchebags, suck it Madden dorks.


**Big ups to Coach Leo Johnson for the video... where ever you are.

Good Morning YDF'rs!

What up homies.. I don't know about anyone else, but I don't have a plan in the world today for this blog which is exactly the way I like it. I rolled out of bed this morning and before I even brushed my teeth or scratched my ass, I googled the term 'Hot Asian' and these are the pictures I came up with. Which means it's probably gonna be a good day. Her name is Grace Park, and I don't care if the myth about them is true, sideways or not, I would eat General Tso's chicken out of any crevice on her body.

Konichiwa, bitches.

Another Reason to Hate Duke

Well fixers, you're not going to believe this shit, but I swear YDF couln't even make this up: Apparently Orlando Magic shooting guard J.J. Redick is currently in the studio working on his debut rap album. Following in the footsteps of rap phenoms Shaq, Artest and Kobe, the former Duke toolbag is part of a "rap super group"  that hopes to drop their first single before the end of the year. 

Now we all know that J.J. could stroke the 3 in college, but in the NBA let's face it, the guy is poop. He should probably be working on his game instead of spitting hot fire in the studio with his super rap homies. But hey who knows, maybe the guy can actually rap and has some funny stories about running trains on ugly Duke girls with Dicky V. I guess we'll have to wait until the album drops to find out.

Here's some footage of ole J.J. hoopin' it up for the Magic.

***There's no word yet if Ron Jeremy-look-alike Stan Van Gundy will be featured on any of the tracks on the upcoming album. Also as a YDF exclusive, we have the leaked version of Redick's new joint.

When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

I find this to be hilarious and completely depressing at the same time. As a 17-year old, I could have/probably did this a time or two if it crossed my mind. The fact that a piece-of-shit, tattle tell drive-thru worker called the cops and then the piggies put out an APB on these kids is so ridiculous it pisses me off.

AMERICAN FORK, Utah - Four teenagers were cited by police in American Fork after they rapped their order at a McDonald's drive-thru. The boys said the drive-thru worker was not amused and asked them to leave. American Fork police found the teens at a parking lot during a high school volleyball game and issued them a citation for being disorderly in public. An officer said this means the teens created public fear or a public scene and that continuing to rap when they were asked to repeat their order was enough to issue a citation.

The teens said an employee got their plate number and must have called police as they were leaving. They also said they did not think they were breaking the law while rapping their order.


"It's just a joke. Honestly they didn't need to take it this far. It's not a big deal." said Gage Christensen, 17, one of the teens involved in the rap.

FOX 13 News called the McDonald's in American Fork and the night manager said the teens were cursing and disrupting business. The teens said that is not true and they were the only ones in the drive-thru.

"Who gives tickets to high school teenagers for rapping into a microphone at McDonalds? Who does this?" said a mother of one of the teens, Sharon Dauwalder. "I just don't understand why or how this could have been blown out of proportion."

Thousands nationwide have made their own drive-thru rap videos and posted them on YouTube.

Coke Snorting Cyclist Uses the Collective, Universal Excuse of the Fix

cyclingnews.com-- Quick Step's Tom Boonen says counselling for his excessive drinking has progressed well. Talking with a counsellor "really helps" he said on the Dutch TV programme Holland Sport this week. Team manager Patrick Lefevere has attributed Boonen's problems to his competitive spirit and is confident that the rider will overcome the problems.

"He has to learn his limits," Lefevere toldCyclingnews. "Sportspeople have competition in them. They like to win on the bike, they like to win when they play cards and they like to win when they drink."

Boonen, 29, tested positive for cocaine in April, two weeks after winning Paris-Roubaix for the third time. It was his second positive for cocaine in two years. A third, previously unreported, positive test from November 2007, was also announced this year.

The Quick Step rider blamed his positive doping controls on his drinking; indicating that he drank so much that he did not know what later happened. "I was very drunk. I do not know what happened, but the next day I tested positive for cocaine," he said.

Pecker is getting pretty tired of reading about doping and sports. Whether it's what we like to call social drugs or sports enhancement drugs, I really wish the media would stop acting so fucking naive towards this topic. But I'll save that argument for another time. Right now I'd just like to focus on the man of the hour in cycling, Tommy Boonen. Tommy tested positive for coke. But he didn't beat around the bush... When questioned about the incident he gave the same answer that every male in the World would have given, although he gave his semi-professional, not too revealing spin on it. Hell, I'm pretty sure my best friend just gave this same excuse after failing a drug test during a job interview. Here's what Tom had to say...

Boonen: "I was very drunk. I don't know what happened, but the next day I tested positive for cocaine."

Translation: "Yeah dude, I did some blow off a plunger stick with 12 naked chicks in the bathroom at a Waffle House. I woke up this morning with some asshole beating my hotel room door down asking me to put my balls in a cup and cough twice. Next thing I know I'm testing positive for coke..... and snitches will get stitches."

After having to deal with the long, over-drawn trials of Mark McGuire, Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens concerning their positive testing for sports enhancing drugs, I'm relieved to find a heart warming story for future abusers to turn to. Thank you, Tommy Boonen.

T-Pain, rock this shit, ASAP.

Teachers-Aide Dominates Two Male Students

Salt Lake Tribune- A former school aide at West Jordan Middle School was arrested Tuesday morning for allegedly having sexual intercourse last school year and over the summer with two 15-year-old students in her class.
Andrea L. Billingsley, 31, was arrested at her home on suspicion of forcible sexual abuse, forcible sodomy and dealing pornography to minors, West Jordan police officer Dan Roberts said.
Roberts said Billingsley met both boys when she was overseeing an in-school suspension program for kids with behavioral problems.
West Jordan School District spokesman Steven Dunham said Billingsley worked at the middle school 17 hours a week between August 2008 and May 2009.
Billingsley was hired as support staff and passed a criminal background check prior to being hired, Dunham said.
The alleged sexual encounters occurred several times, on and off campus, between May and July 2009 while Billingsley was a part-time, temporary employee at the school and continued after her employment ended, Roberts said. She was not asked to return to the school this year because money for her position was unavailable, Roberts said.
The alleged abuse came to light in recent weeks when the two boys talked to other students about what happened. School administrators were then told and they contacted police, Roberts said.

Once again fixers I find myself asking what the big deal is here. Two guys in high school, who probably thought they were tough shit, spit game at this teacher and ran to mommy cause they got what they were asking for. Simple lesson here fellas, if you can't stand the heat, stay out of the classroom where the teacher fucks the students.

$20 bucks says this teachers aide shut the blinds of the classroom, locked the door and turned on Freak-a-Leak by Petey Pablo then started things off with a good ol' Rusty Trombone. Look, I'm not saying the two kids should have been OK with this, but to run to the cops and pretty much say you got forcibly raped by this chick just isn't conceivable. Just push her fat ass over and I doubt she gets back up.

For the record, I'm pretty sure I had a porn on cassette tape in high school that had this exact scenario but was more circa 1983 and I would watch every night with no volume when my parents went to sleep. Believe dat!

Happy Thirsty Thursday!

Mornin' Mother Fixers! Yankees lose, NBA starts and famous people got to attend the premiere for Michael Jackson's 'This Is It'.. Pecker predicts that they rename the film to 'This Is a Waste of Time'.

Anyway, got some good stuff coming your way on this glorious day we call Thirsty Thursday as we try to cover some UK/UL basketball notes, an update on UK's quarterback situation for this week and hopefully a lot of random shit that gets you ready to drink your dick off tonight.

As a matter of fact, thats exactly what were gonna do right now. I consider myself out of the 'rap loop' and have been for a couple of years now, but I always have a keen eye for brilliance. If this song doesn't make you wanna piss your pants and forget who you are for about a half an hour or so, well then you should probably just keep your week ass home tonight. Lil' Jon is a modern day Socrates if you ask me, no doubt in my mind.

** Big ups to Ryne in Nashville for this video.

Does This Shark That Gets Eaten By Big Shark and Lives To Tell About It Roll Hard?

Huw Borland, Sky News Online

A giant shark that could be up to 20ft long has sent shockwaves across Australian beaches after a great white was nearly bitten in half. A stunning picture shows a 10ft predator tthrashing about with two massive chunks missing of either side of its body, off the Queensland coast.

Experts said its rival may be 20ft (about six metres) long, judging by the size of the huge bites. The great white was savaged after it got snared on a drum line - a baited hook attached to a buoy - near North Stradbroke Island, east of Brisbane.

The wounded creature was still alive when a crew hauled it onto a boat, close to Deadman's Beach.

"It certainly opened up my eyes. I mean the shark that was caught is a substantial shark in itself," Queensland Fisheries' Jeff Krause told Australia's Daily Telegraph.

Swimmers have been warned to stay out of the water near the island.

The attack also worried many at a nearby tourist Mecca - Surfers Paradise, south of Brisbane.

There was a myth about one of my high school football coaches that said he broke his leg in the first quarter of a regional championship football game and played the rest of the game, quarterback and strong safety on defense, and two overtimes in a losing effort. Anytime someone was 'hurt' every season that I played, we would hear 'Quit bein' such a puss wad. This mother fucker played a whole game... blah blah blah'.. It really chapped my ass.

I'd like to see those coaches talk that shit to this bad mother fucker.. No doubt in my mind he would just humiliate those coaches and send them home pissing out their asses. He is damn near bitten in half! Fuck your leg coach, let Sharkie bite you in the abdomen, rip out your spleen and your lower spine, see how well you can throw a football now, dickhead. I mean can you honestly say that you have ever seen something that sums up the word 'bad ass' in one picture like this dude does. I don't know anything about sharks and have hated them up until now, but how is this even possible and why doesn't the article even seem to care that this crazy bastard is still alive? Fuck the 20 ft pussy ass shark that bit this guy, I'd be way more scared of what Mr. Half-Body is going to do next. Cause there's no fuckin' telling!

I'm not going to give our new buddy a rating, I've just got one word: UNFUCKWITHABLE.

*Think you know someone who 'Rolls Hard', send the article to thepecker.fix@gmail.com and see what The Pecker thinks about it.

Bringin' down the House

Bringin’ down the HOUSE!!!

By: Stephen Jared House


2009-2010 NBA PREVIEWS

1. CLEVELAND CAVALIERS- Who doesn’t want watch this team play? They play a fast exciting style of basketball, not to mention they have LeBron James who always provides an exciting spectacle. The Cavs will again dominate the regular season, but I don’t see them getting to the Finals. The Cavs made a nice pick up in the off season with Anthony Parker, but I don’t like the pick up of Jamario Moon. Moon is nothing but a dunker with no jump shot. Not what Cleveland is in need of. Cleveland needs another person who can score one-on-one. The Diesel has too many miles on him and I don’t see him being the guy who commands a double team anymore. The Cavs will have the best record in the East again, but they cannot make it past Boston in the play-offs. Cleveland needs to enjoy this season with the King, it will be their last. He seems to have that Empire State of mind.
2. BOSTON CELTICS- The C’s in my opinion are the best team in the Eastern Conference. They have a healthy Kevin Garnett, and they made some fantastic additions. Everyone has heard that Rasheed Wallace left Motown and came to Beantown but the move that may be the most beneficial to their team is the acquisition of Marquis Daniels. Daniels is a slasher who can drive to the basketball and score. With his D he is a great compliment to Ray Allen out on the wing when the second unit is in the game. Rajon Rondo is going to blow up this year. Rondo is a triple double waiting to happen and could be the quickest player in the league. He’s a nightmare to try to stay in front of. The Finals are where we will be seeing this team in June.
3. ORLANDO MAGIC- The Magic seem to be getting dogged by everyone who analyzes basketball, and I don’t see why. Hedo Turkoglu in my opinion is the most overrated player in the NBA. He is a 3 point shooter who can’t play a lick of defense. Vince Carter on the other hand is a superstar. Yeah Carter has a bad rep of not always playing hard, and being selfish, but has he ever really been on a good team with a chance to win? No. Carter is an elite scorer who in this situation with these pieces around him will do his job and play hard. This in my opinion in a huge upgrade. Watch out for Brandon Bass. The Magic now have a grinder at the power forward spot, something they haven’t had in the past.
4. ATLANTA HAWKS- The most intriguing team in the entire NBA to me is the Hawks. Their core group of players have played together for quite awhile and have built quit a chemistry together. Now if they build on that they could challenge any team in the East. Last year in the second round of the play-offs when they met up with the Cleveland Cavs they acted like they were scared to play LeBron and Co. They need to realize that they have the talent to beat any team in the East. I love the addition of Jamal Crawford. Crawford is nothing but a scorer but coming off the bench he is a lethal weapon. Joe Johnson is a stud. But can he be a leader and calm down and get Josh Smith under control? If the Hawks want to make some noise in the play –offs he better.
5. CHICAGO BULLS- The Bulls turned around their season after a miserable start and almost upset the Boston Celtics in a seven game series in the first round of the play-offs last season. The Bulls are going to rely heavily on second year superstar-in-the-wings in Derrick Rose. Rose can flat out play ball. He looked like a seasoned pro last season rather than a rookie with only one year of college experience. The Bulls and Rose will only get better this year. I can’t wait to see some Bulls-Celtics games. The Rondo-Rose rivalry is going to be a great one for years to come.
6. WASHINGTON WIZARDS- I’m not as high on this team as everyone else is. Yeah they will be the most improved team this year, hell they only won 19 games last year! With a healthy Gilbert Arenas, Caron Butler and Antawn Jamison this team with score with anyone. Their problem is anyone can score on them. This team has no desire to play defense and is as soft as butter. They are a finesse team in every sense of the word. I know everyone has them so high but I almost want to put them lower in the standing.
7. PHILADELPHIA 76ers- the Sixers are another team that seems to already written off. I don’t see it. I think the Sixers are a good team and could be better than Washington because they play defense. I’m not a fan of Andre Iguodala, he’s off the dribble, he doesn’t make anyone he plays with better, he does nothing above average, well maybe dunk and that’s it. Elton Brand had a devastating injury last year, but he comes back healthy he will be back to being dominate inside scorer and defender. I LOVE Thaddeus Young. He runs the floor so well and is a finisher. He will have a great year this year.
8. TORONTO RAPTORS- I’m not as high on this team as everyone else seems to be. Everyone thinks because they got Hedo Turkoglu that they are the next big thing in the East. I’m a big proponent that defensive wins not only championships but on nights when your shots aren’t falling. Defense never leaves. I’m really big on rookie DeMar DeRozen. He already has an NBA body and he can slash to the basket. The shot will come along. Chris Bosh is going to play like a stud for the season and they he will head south of the border and collect a nice pay day from Detroit.
9. MIAMI HEAT- The Heat made the play-offs last year but I don’t for see a return. They did nothing to improve in the offseason and the franchise is broke. The Heat are dressing the least amount of players of any team in the NBA. This franchise is doomed. I have never liked Michael Beasley and I am even more down on him now. He’s not big enough to be a power forward and he’s not quick enough to be a small forward. I question his desire to play also. The one thing the Heat have going for them is Dwyane Wade. Last season Wade was the first player under 6’5’’ to total over 100 blocks and steals. The Heat rode Wade to the play-offs last year, but if nobody steps up this season they will not get another free ride.
10. DETROIT PISTONS- The Pistons are a team in the rebuilding mode. But I don’t think they will be an awful team. They have leadership in Rip Hamilton and Tayshaun Prince will not let this team slip into the bottom tier of the league. They can score but the trade mark defense is gone. Any team with Kwame Brown as its starting center is not a good team.
11. CHARLOTTE BOBCATS- I would love to put this team higher in my projections but I just cannot. Yeah I know they made a little run last season, and yeah they have Larry Brown on the bench for the second season. But this team doesn’t have the talent to beat the elite in the East on any given night. I love DJ Augustin, he will be a star in the league three years from now, I can’t understand why Brown keeps playing Raymond Felton over him.
12. INDIANA PACERS- this team is so fun to watch. Danny Granger is an offensive machine, he can score points by the boat load. He has to prove he can be a lockdown defender before we start putting him in the superstar category though. I live the moves the team has made by brining in Dahntay Jones as a wing defender. They are still along way away though.
13. NEW JERSEY NETS- they have an absolute stud in Brook Lopez who in my opinion is the third best center behind Dwight Howard and Chris Bosh in the East. He does everything right, he is never out of position, he plays hard every play, and he is going to be great passing out of the double team. Devin Harris is on his way to being an elite point guard but needs to get back to playing defense the way he did in Dallas.
14. NEW YORK KNICKS- the Knicks don’t have one guy who could start for one the play off projected Eastern Conference teams. David Lee does the dirty and plays hard but he virtually has no ability to score one-on-one but damn he gives it hell out there. They are just biding their time till next season when the King comes to town.
15. MILWAUKEE BUCKS- Scott Skiles should play Brandon Jennings from day one over Luke Ridnour. Jennings is the future of the franchise and while Ridnour has more expirence this team is going now where. Play your future, take your bumps and bruises and get better.

Ugly Chick Offers Sex for Series Tickets

NyPost.com-- This Philly is more cracked than the Liberty Bell.
A rabid Philadelphia fan -- apparently believing the "P" on the team's cap stands for "prostitution" -- was busted yesterday for offering sex in exchange for World Series tickets, police said.
Susan Finkelstein, 43, was nabbed after allegedly soliciting an undercover Bensalem, Pa., cop who answered her innuendo-laced craigslist ad seeking the coveted ducats.
The married Finkelstein posted her ad -- with a subject line that read, "DESPERATE BLONDE NEEDS WS TIX (Philadelphia)" -- on Monday in the "tickets for sale/wanted" section.

Yeah I know, today we should be building up with a good storyline for the Worlds Series and I should be excited because it is going to unfold in this fair city that I call home right now. But the most intriguing story line that I have found so far is that of Susan Finklestein, a 40 something who offered herself in exchange for tickets to watch her Phillies in the World Series.

Listen here, ma'am. I'm no prostitute extraordinaire, but you are fuckin' ugly and World Series tickets are expensive. I wouldn't do the dirty with you if the exchange was for a bowl of bean soup, what in the fuck makes you think I would raw dog you for a ticket that probably costs $500 minimum.

In a nutshell, fixers, not only is she a dirty, disgusting old woman, but she is either losing her god damned mind or Phillies fans have low standards. Probably both.

Yankees in 6. With some cheese on it!

10 Dumbest Sports Injuries

Injuries in sports are nothing to laugh about. Normally. Sometimes, however, athletes just do something on or off the field that is so unusual, so hard to believe, that you can’t help but laugh. Here’s our picks for the 10 dumbest sports injuries of all time.

10. Sammy Sosa

Sosa’s one of the top home run hitters of all time, and home run hitters notoriously have bad backs, so the fact that Sammy would have missed some action during his playing days due to back problems really isn’t a big shock. Only in May 2004, the former Cubs slugger sprained a ligament after sneezing and would be forced onto the disabled list. The 35-year-old Sosa sneezed not just once, but twice. You see, it’s that second sneeze that makes all the difference, and that’s the reason why Sammy just sneaks onto the list in the #10 slot.

9. Ken Griffey Jr.

While it seems as though Junior has racked up more injuries than home runs in his career, one in particular stands out. According to baseball lore, Griffey once missed a game after his protective cup slipped, pinching one of his testicles and forcing him temporarily out of action in more ways than one. Hey, I know this is supposed to be a humorous list, but I’m sure the other guys out there will agree with me, there’s just nothing funny about damaging your twig and berries. Junior, my man, you have my sympathies.

8. Paulo Diogo

Diogo, a midfielder, has been playing professional soccer since 1994, but his biggest claim to fame has to be an unfortunate accident in 2004 that cost him the ring finger on his left hand. While playing for Servette FC, a Geneva-based Swiss soccer club, Diogo assisted on a goal late in the game. In celebration, he climbed the fence that separated the pitch from the fans in attendance. However, without his knowing, his wedding ring got caught on the fence, and when Diogo jumped off the fence, most of his finger was ripped off his hand. To add insult to injury, as Diogo lay on the ground writhing in pain, and as match officials frantically searched for the rest of the lost digit, he was given a yellow card for excessive celebration. Sadly, doctors could not reattach it, and were later forced to amputate what remained of the finger.

7. Kevin Johnson

Sometimes your teammates can be your worst enemy. There have been many examples of this throughout the years, including the post-touchdown celebration that once knocked Ohio State WR/KR Ted Ginn Jr. out of the national championship game. Former Phoenix Suns guard Kevin Johnson suffered an injury similar to Ginn’s. Once after hitting a game-winning shot, he was bear-hugged by then-teammate Charles Barkley. As it would turn out, though, Barkley was a little TOO pumped-up about the basket and wound up dislocating K.J.’s shoulder. Let that be a lesson for you, future pro athletes of the world. Sometimes a simple high-five is good enough.

6. Kevin Mitchell

Mitchell played for nine different baseball teams during his career. He was a two-time All-Star, was named the National League MVP in 1989, and would later to go on to be the highest paid player in the history of Japanese baseball. Mitchell also holds another distinct honor, though. He’s the only athlete on this list to be honored for not one, but two boneheaded injuries. Once, he reportedly strained an abdominal muscle while vomiting, which resulted in a trip to the DL. More famously, however, he chipped a tooth after leaving a frozen donut in the microwave too long, making it too hard to bite into. The latter incident kept Mitchell out of spring training for several days, and ultimately led to the need for a root canal. Given Mitchell’s weight problems near the end of his career, it’s actually a wonder he didn’t chip more teeth, if you know what I mean.

5. Vince Coleman

During the pregame warm-ups before Game 4 of the 1985 National League Championship Series, the speedy Coleman suffered a bizarre injury when the machine that rolled up the tarp caught his leg. He would be trapped for a good 30 seconds, suffering knee and leg injuries that would knock him out for the rest of the preseason. Coleman would be involved in another dumb sports-related injury later in his career — though not as a victim but rather as a cause — when as a member of the New York Mets he injured pitcher Dwight Gooden by swinging a golf club in the team’s clubhouse in 1993.

4. Tony Allen

Basketball players like to show off. We all know that. But somebody, somewhere needed to tell Boston Celtics guard Allen that there’s a time and a place for everything. In January 2007, Allen was on the floor playing in the final minutes of a big Boston loss to the Indiana Pacers. The referee blew the whistle, and Allen went to the hoop to throw down an impressive dunk. Of course, when he landed following his meaningless basket, he came down awkwardly and wound up blowing out both the ACL and MCL in his knee. Whoops. Fortunately for him, it didn’t wind up being a career ending injury, as Allen did see action for the Celtics in 2007-08 — which officially makes it okay for all of us to point and laugh at the sheer stupidity of his pointless display of machismo.

3. Joel Zumaya

As a rookie in 2006, Detroit Tigers pitcher Zumaya set the league on fire, literally, with the amazing and consistent velocity of his fastball. However, he would miss three games during the American League Championship Series due to inflammation in his pitching arm. Makes sense, considering how hard he throws, right? True, only that’s not why he was hurt. No, the real reason for the injury, it was later revealed, was an overdose of the Guitar Hero video game. While the team asked Zumaya to stop and he was fine for the World Series, the fact is that this genius put his team’s playoff success at risk so he could sneak in a little extra PlayStation time. Then again, who’s to say we wouldn’t have done the same thing? After all, Guitar Hero is a pretty kick-ass game.

2. Gus Frerotte

In 1997, Frerotte was the starting quarterback for the Washington Redskins and fresh off a Pro Bowl season. Washington was 6-5 heading into their Sunday Night game against the New York Giants on November 23, and Frerotte scored the game’s first touchdown on a one-yard run in the second quarter. So how did he celebrate? By ramming his head into a padded cement wall in the back of the end zone. He left the game following the self-inflicted injury and was replaced by backup Jeff Hostetler. The game ended in a 7-7 tie, and depending upon who you ask, Frerotte either suffered a concussion or a strained neck as a result of the incident. I don’t remember for sure, and I’m pretty certain ol’ Gus doesn’t either.

1. Bill Gramatica

When your sole claim to fame as a professional athlete is the manner in which you gave yourself a serious injury, you’re pretty much a lock to top a list like this. Such is the case with former Arizona Cardinals kicker Bill Gramatica, who on December 15, 2001, kicked a 42-yard field goal in the first half of a game against the New York Giants. So happy with this accomplishment was Gramatica that he began inexplicably leaping up and down with joy, and promptly tore his ACL in the process. The whole thing played out like a Monty Python routine, with puzzled and bemused football fans watching on at home wondering just what the hell this little half-pint kicker was doing. Without a doubt, this is THE dumbest sports injury of all time, bar none.

There are literally dozens and dozens of worthy candidates that could have been included on this list, from Padres pitcher Adam Eaton accidentally stabbing himself while trying to open a DVD, to Jaguars kicker Chris Hanson slicing open his leg with an axe that was being used as a locker-room motivational tool, to Spanish goalkeeper Santiago Canizares missing two World Cup games after dropping a bottle of aftershave on his foot and cutting a tendon. Which dumb injury is your favorite? Drop a comment and let us know.

Props to Chuck Bednar of toptenz.net

Hump Day Porn Star of the Week: Amy Reid

Hello Amy Reid. I would kiss you.

It's Hump Day folks, we've got a lot of.... to tell you the truth I don't know what we've got planned. Stay tuned, shit may get weird.

Mr. Balloon Hands

I'm sure most of you have seen or heard about the story of the boy who's dumbass family pawned him into faking getting stuck in a homemade air balloon and floating across the piece of shit county he's from while being broadcast over EVERY news channel in this nation of ours. I've heard about parent's corrupting their children into doing crazy things for them, such as when The Pecker's mom made him go dow...wait that was me. What I've got here for you is a remix of the famed Fresh Prince theme song, mixed to allude to the story of the world's biggest doucher parents, aka The Heene's. Brought to you on Facebook, yes Facebook, I bring you The Fresh Prince of the Air.

- Ronnie B

Source: Balloon Boy

Bad Place For a Sticker?

www.topcultured.com - Something tells me that whoever was in charge of putting stickers on the front of this paper wasn’t really thinking clearly. That or they weren’t really paying attention. Either way, I’m pretty sure this was supposed to read, “Heat of the Night.” Big mistake.

Believe me topculture.com, whoever put these P.C. Richard & Sons stickers over the 'HT' in this headline knew exactly what they were doing. $100 says the culprit uttered the words, "Watch this, huhu!" before he did it. Sneaky little bastard.

**Big ups to Trey from Eddyville for this link.

QB Throws a Behind the Back Pass

Remember yesterday when I posted Mark Sanchez eating a hot dog and people were giving him hell, saying he was showing up the Raiders... blah blah. Well this fuckin' guy just topped that big time. This is what I'm talking about! Take note that this team was already ahead 56-0, they go for a two point conversion and the QB pulls off the greatest, cockiest play in the history of American football. I bet before he called this play he walked to the other team's sideline, found their loser quarterback and whispered to him, "Hey bitch tits, you can't even score points by throwing the ball normal. This is how I roll!" I love it. Straight up cookies!

Your move, Sanchez.

Life and Music

This video was produced by the creators of South Park with the voice of Alan Watts, a philosopher on the connections between Eastern and Western Religions. The video portrays the lifestyle here in the U.S. pretty accurately, and points out that life is more than the journey to that one successful moment (that you could be waiting on forever.)

YDF is an on-going archive of the greatest music out there, so I thought the video is appropriate in it's "music and life" analogy. Watts was a great thinker and professor who used simple examples to explain some of life's greatest mysteries.

"Search for something more than self, and much more than the confines of this wordly system." -Alan Watts

 

Hendo's Finest- Gleaner News

(Don't act like you didn't know it was 1 cup of milk instead of 2, stupid woman)

Gavin Lesnick-- A 53-year-old Henderson man is due in court today to face allegations he cut a woman with a pocket knife during a dispute Sunday night.
Rex A. Huff was arrested on preliminary charges of battery with a knife, domestic battery with a prior conviction, invasion of privacy and trespass. He is being held without bond pending the initial court appearance.
According to an Evansville Police Department probable cause affidavit, the victim invited Huff to her house in the 2100 block of West Virginia Street earlier Sunday. That night, the two got into an argument in the kitchen.
"(The victim) stated that Rex was sitting down at the kitchen table when all of a sudden, Rex pulled out his pocket knife, stood up and then approached her and cut her throat," police wrote in the affidavit.
The injury is described in police documents as a small cut to the left side of the victim's neck.
Police say Huff took the knife out of his pocket and placed it on the table when officers arrived but that he denied ever touching the victim.
The victim has a protective order against Huff, which was served in 2008. He was also barred from being at the residence.

I'm having a tough time with this one, folks.. Not real sure what the problem was or why the police were brought into this. Seems like an open and shut case to me. Mr. Rex Huff was sitting at the kitchen table, eating dinner obviously.. This chick thinks she can just shovel some watered down, half-assed Hamburger Helper onto his plate and call it a night? Well she learned pretty quick that Rex don't abide with that. When a man gets home from a long day of work, you better bring something better than this shit to the plate, or you're gonna get cut, plain and simple. I still remember the first time my Grandfather threatened to cut my Grandma and make her sleep on the porch for a week because she didn't have any A-1 sauce for his steak n' eggs.

So take this as a lesson for you Future Homemakers of America. This ain't The Housewives of the OC or whatever the hell gave you the idea that this behavior can fly. This is Hendo. Better bring your A-game, or your ass will bleed.

**Big ups to the annonomous Emailer who sent me this article.

Good Morning Fixers.

How goes it? I'll have to admit today's morning was a lot shittier than yesterdays. It was dark, rainy and typical shitty New York weather all around. Nothing like a little Megan 'I could suck a golf ball through a garden hose' Fox to get the good times rollin' though. Keep it classy and keep it regular, we have a lot of good stuff coming up today and are handing out frequent fixer miles like Nino Brown baby..

Blake Griffin Out Approximately 6 Weeks

This is lovely news since I picked him up in a fantasy draft earlier tonight...kiss my ass on main street.

LOS ANGELES -- Blake Griffin's NBA debut has been pushed back indefinitely after the Los Angeles Clippers revealed late Monday night that their No. 1 overall draft pick has a broken left kneecap.

The stress fracture could sideline the Oklahoma star for six weeks, the team announced, promising further information Tuesday.

Griffin, who averaged 13.7 points and 8.1 rebounds per game during the preseason, won't be in the Clippers' lineup when they face the Lakers in their opener Tuesday night, and he could be out much longer. The Clippers play 20 games in their first six weeks of the regular season.

Griffin apparently broke his kneecap during the Clippers' final exhibition game against New Orleans last Friday, perhaps after a dunk that left the power forward wincing in pain. The team initially said Griffin only had a sore left knee, making him questionable for the opener, before revealing the break.

Griffin was the consensus college player of the year with 22.7 points and an NCAA-best 14.4 rebounds per game last season for the Sooners.

After the Clippers won the draft lottery and selected him, Griffin strained his right shoulder during a summer league game in July. The team brought him back cautiously, and Griffin said he was totally healthy in the preseason.

His latest injury is a sadly unsurprising setback for the star-crossed Clippers, who won just 19 games last year in an injury-plagued season. Los Angeles has just two winning in the last 30 years and just one playoff series victory since moving to town in 1984.

Los Angeles was mostly healthy going into this fall, with point guard Baron Davis and center Chris Kaman both ready to play after missing chunks of last season. The Clippers actually have solid frontcourt talent with Marcus Camby, Al Thornton and Rasual Butler alongside Griffin.

Antoine Walker is BROKE! (link)

Shira Springer of The Boston Globe: "A Globe review found that, during the last seven months, Antoine Walker has been pursued by multiple financial institutions for unpaid debts totaling more than $4 million. Court documents filed in Illinois and Florida reveal Walker was named a defendant in three recent debt-related civil cases, in addition to the ongoing check-kiting case. His former agent is also after him, citing a heap of unpaid fees. Several National Basketball Association sources, among them friends and former teammates of Walker's, said the 33-year-old player may well have squandered much of his $110 million-plus in career earnings. Without a team or contract as the new NBA season begins Tuesday, they've heard that Walker is casting about for cash to pay off his debts and is looking to catch on with a team, perhaps even overseas. 'I know Antoine has enjoyed himself,' said a former teammate. 'He had a good time, as all professionals who are in that situation should. But there's tough lessons you learn about the responsibilities that come with being a professional athlete that makes a lot of money. Sometimes this is one of the consequences to that.' "

With all that being said, there's no getting around the fact that our beloved Wildcat has spent over $100 million in the past 11 years on something other than his bills/charity/nutritionist. So best of luck to Twan as he pursues a career with either a mediocre NBA team (T-Wolves), over-seas, or possibly on Dancing With The Stars.

If Mark Sanchez was a Hot Dog, He Would Eat Himself

“I want to apologize for that. I wasn’t feeling very good and didn’t eat much before the game, so I was feeling a little queasy. Toward the end of the game, I probably should have eaten one of those bars or something, but someone offered (a hot dog), so I grabbed it and tried to be discreet about it, but obviously not discreet enough. So I shouldn’t have done that, and it won’t happen again.”

Mark, we know you are trying to be the next big thing in New York. The media has kissed your proverbial 'ass' ever since being drafted excluding last weeks 5 interceptions against the Bills. But if you want to shine and be the best QB the Jets have had since Namath, you gotta have a little swagger off and on the bench. In other words, no pussy ass apology needed. So next time you catch a little shit for being on the sideline eating a hot dog when you are up by 30 on the Raiders, here is how Peckerooski would handle the situation. Take notes, Marky.

Media: "Pecker, is it true that you were not paying a bit of attention to the game in the 4th quarter and were actually eating a mustard covered hot dog on the bench?"

The Pecker: "First of all asshole, it's Mr. Pecker to you. And hell yes I was eating a hot dog. Have you ever had a hot dog from Oakland Stadium? They're fuckin' delicious. I wouldn't have even made the trip out west if coach didn't promise me that I could get my weiner fix after I picked the Raiders apart with my laser-rocket arm. You think, as Im sitting on the bench, I would want to watch fatass Demarcus Russell go 2-19 and 33 yards with 8 picks? That's not how The Pecker rolls, son. And if I've told you once, I've told you a million times, Pecker don't do mustard on the dog, it's relish and ketchup. Yeah, R-E-L-I-S-H. Next question."

Does Dennis Leroy Anderson Roll Hard?

Star Tribune- MN- The operator of a La-Z-Boy chair converted into a motorized vehicle -- complete with a stereo and cup holders -- has admitted that he crashed the piece of furniture after leaving a bar in Proctor, Minn., extremely drunk.
Dennis LeRoy Anderson, 61, of Proctor, pleaded guilty Monday to hopping on the chair on the night of Aug. 31, 2008, after visiting the Keyboard Lounge, then crashing into a more traditional vehicle in the parking lot. Anderson's blood-alcohol content was 0.29 percent, more than three times the legal limit for driving in Minnesota.
Deputy Police Chief Troy Foucault said Thursday that the chair is "quite decked out." Along with the stereo and cup holders, it is driven by a converted gasoline-powered lawnmower, and has a steering wheel, headlights and a power antenna.
Foucault estimated that the La-Z-Boy can top out at 15 to 20 miles per hour. A National Hot Rod Association sticker adorns the headrest.
The chair was impounded and will be sold at the next police auction.
"We have quite a few people calling about buying it," said Foucault, who half-seriously acknowledged that he is tempted to bid on it, except that "I have kids who would take it out and drive it on the street."
Anderson admitted to police that he had been drinking at home, was leaving the bar and had drunk eight or nine beers that day before getting on the La-Z-Boy and crashing it into a Dodge Intrepid parked outside, Foucault said. Anderson was treated for minor injuries and given a field sobriety test, even though he pleaded several times with the officer to "give him a break," according to the police report.
"He failed everything," Foucault said, which led to Anderson's arrest and seizure of the chair. The officer on the scene checked Anderson's driver's license and determined that it had been revoked because of a previous drunken-driving conviction, according to police.

Alright fixers, The Peckerino is gonna have a lot of 'Hard Rollers' on his hands here at the Daly Fix, but I don't know if we will EVER see a story where it is this clear cut. This old bastard knows one speed and one speed only, and it can only be classified as rolling harder than shit 24/7/365. Look at that Lay-Z-Boy right there! The cops claim it goes 15-20 mph.... Yeah, when it is fucking idling. Guarantee that bad boy tops out at 65 with ease and it probably has the duel exhaust to back up that statement.
But before I break this shit down into how hard ol' Leroy rolls, I've got two questions about this article.

1. How in the hell did this vehicle not get stolen while Leroy was in the bar whacking down enough beers to blow a .29? Because if I were driving a fucking Range Rover and I passed this bar, I would jump out and trade for the sofa mobile straight up.
   
2. Where did the hot ass chick run off to that was with Leroy when he wrecked? You can't tell me that Leroy left that bar empty handed. Every bitch in that bar was jockin' his nuts when he pulled up on this chariot. They need to put their lead detective on this shit pronto.

Alright fix followers, time to grade.

Leroy gets a 9.8. No questions asked. And the only reason he didn't get a 10 is because he didn't sucker punch the cops and get tasered as they hauled him away. Am I right or am I right, let's hear it.

I've got one problem with this story, a police officer is quoted as saying, "He failed everything." With all do respect, asshole, Leroy was successful at one thing, LIFE! Suck on that for a little while, copper.

**Think you know someone who 'Rolls Hard', send the article to thepecker.fix@gmail.com and see what The Pecker thinks about it.