Does Dennis Leroy Anderson Roll Hard?

Star Tribune- MN- The operator of a La-Z-Boy chair converted into a motorized vehicle -- complete with a stereo and cup holders -- has admitted that he crashed the piece of furniture after leaving a bar in Proctor, Minn., extremely drunk.
Dennis LeRoy Anderson, 61, of Proctor, pleaded guilty Monday to hopping on the chair on the night of Aug. 31, 2008, after visiting the Keyboard Lounge, then crashing into a more traditional vehicle in the parking lot. Anderson's blood-alcohol content was 0.29 percent, more than three times the legal limit for driving in Minnesota.
Deputy Police Chief Troy Foucault said Thursday that the chair is "quite decked out." Along with the stereo and cup holders, it is driven by a converted gasoline-powered lawnmower, and has a steering wheel, headlights and a power antenna.
Foucault estimated that the La-Z-Boy can top out at 15 to 20 miles per hour. A National Hot Rod Association sticker adorns the headrest.
The chair was impounded and will be sold at the next police auction.
"We have quite a few people calling about buying it," said Foucault, who half-seriously acknowledged that he is tempted to bid on it, except that "I have kids who would take it out and drive it on the street."
Anderson admitted to police that he had been drinking at home, was leaving the bar and had drunk eight or nine beers that day before getting on the La-Z-Boy and crashing it into a Dodge Intrepid parked outside, Foucault said. Anderson was treated for minor injuries and given a field sobriety test, even though he pleaded several times with the officer to "give him a break," according to the police report.
"He failed everything," Foucault said, which led to Anderson's arrest and seizure of the chair. The officer on the scene checked Anderson's driver's license and determined that it had been revoked because of a previous drunken-driving conviction, according to police.

Alright fixers, The Peckerino is gonna have a lot of 'Hard Rollers' on his hands here at the Daly Fix, but I don't know if we will EVER see a story where it is this clear cut. This old bastard knows one speed and one speed only, and it can only be classified as rolling harder than shit 24/7/365. Look at that Lay-Z-Boy right there! The cops claim it goes 15-20 mph.... Yeah, when it is fucking idling. Guarantee that bad boy tops out at 65 with ease and it probably has the duel exhaust to back up that statement.
But before I break this shit down into how hard ol' Leroy rolls, I've got two questions about this article.

1. How in the hell did this vehicle not get stolen while Leroy was in the bar whacking down enough beers to blow a .29? Because if I were driving a fucking Range Rover and I passed this bar, I would jump out and trade for the sofa mobile straight up.
   
2. Where did the hot ass chick run off to that was with Leroy when he wrecked? You can't tell me that Leroy left that bar empty handed. Every bitch in that bar was jockin' his nuts when he pulled up on this chariot. They need to put their lead detective on this shit pronto.

Alright fix followers, time to grade.

Leroy gets a 9.8. No questions asked. And the only reason he didn't get a 10 is because he didn't sucker punch the cops and get tasered as they hauled him away. Am I right or am I right, let's hear it.

I've got one problem with this story, a police officer is quoted as saying, "He failed everything." With all do respect, asshole, Leroy was successful at one thing, LIFE! Suck on that for a little while, copper.

**Think you know someone who 'Rolls Hard', send the article to thepecker.fix@gmail.com and see what The Pecker thinks about it.