The Gleaner- Hendo Area News

Thegleaner.com--An Evansville woman reported to police that her soon-to-be-ex-husband stole ground beef from her freezer in retaliation for her cutting off his cable.
Officers with the Evansville Police Department were called to the scene of Jamie Brooks' Harriet Street apartment Wednesday night.
According to an incident report, Brooks alleged the man, who was not identified by police, stole ground beef from her freezer.
Brooks alleges that the ground beef was probably stolen as revenge to her cutting the cable lines that he had been pirating.
No arrests have been made.

Couldn't make this shit up folks. This unidentified man is roaming the streets of the Hendo, Evansville and Owensboro just looking for his next victim. How the fuck are we supposed to sleep at night when we don't even know if our ground beef is safe anymore. I already called Papa Pecker, he went to the Wal-Mart and bought 4 Master Locks for our deep freezer, I suggest you do the same because if you don't, I've got a simple math problem for ya: Hendo - Ground Beef + Pork = Swine Flu. This shit has got to be solved, chop fuckin' suey.

I know I am far away from home and catching criminals is a dirty job, but it's nothing that Pecker can't handle. I'm gonna throw out some suspects..

Suspect #1- Hamburglar

Suspect #2- Juan Pablo Montoya

Suspect #3- Ruben Studdart

Hamburglar may be too obvious here, but it is close to Halloween, so he's blending in like a fuckin' chameleon right now. Juan Pablo Montoya has been on a taco rage ever since the whole Bob Greise comments about him. And for the 3rd suspect, if that doesn't make you giggle, stay off my god damn blog.

With that being said, let me know who you think should be taken in for questioning in the comment section.