If you are not familiar with Henderson, KY/Tristate area/God's Country like many of us Fixers are, we get some stories in our local newspaper that fucking Balloon Boy's Dad couldn't make up. Every morning I wake up and thank Al Gore for inventing the internet, because if I couldn't read The Gleaner Online, I would have never moved to NYC. They get some classic shit. So from now on, throughout the week, The Pecker is going to bring the best stories from the Hendo area, with love.
TheGleaner.com- What supposedly started as a good day turned into a bizarre one for a 27-year-old Evansville man who said he’d come into some money.
Before it was over, there was one arrest of a Kentucky man and two separate police reports involving theft of cash.
It started shortly after midnight today when Douglas Charles Ritzert told police he had received $4,000 from an inheritance, went to the bank Thursday, cashed the check, bought some shoes and visited a friend who asked about the new shoes.
He said he told his friend about his good fortune and later stopped at a Circle K gas station at Fulton and Columbia avenues to buy a beverage.
Ritzert said his friend pulled up and indicated Ritzert could buy him something, too.
Once inside, Ritzert said realized he’d left his wallet tucked between the seat and speaker box of his unlocked truck.
He told police when he went back to the truck he saw money blowing around on the parking lot and that his friend, not identified in the police report, was gone. Ritzert said he managed to retrieve $1,261 but $2,580 was still missing.
By 2 a.m. police were investigating another incident involving Ritzert, this time at the Casino Aztar parking garage at 421 NW Riverside Dr.
This time Ritzert said he was sitting in his truck in the garage when a man grabbed about $2,000 from him. During a chase Ritzert called 911. He told police the suspect tried to get into a green Ford truck with a Kentucky license plate but fled on foot again.
Police traced the license plate number Ritzert gave them to a Morganfield, Ky., man, Conrad Wolfe, who was staying at Aztar’s hotel.
Police found Wolfe, 29,, in his room and arrested him on theft charges.
According to the police report, Wolfe was angry and uncooperative and told police he knew why there were there.
First of all, inheritance my ass. This dude just sold a pound of meth. No if and or buts. Dude knows he can't call the cops and tell them ol' Conrad stole his drug money, so he made up this bullshit story. I've seen it a million times.
Anyway, come on man. You think you can just show up around Hendo flaunting cash and not get jacked. Really?!? Don't bring that weak shit up in this Humpy Bumpy. That's the first thing I learned in my public school education, protect your shit. The worst part about this story is that Douglas Charles Ritzert made the biggest mistake of the day by going to Circle K gas station. Any Hendonesian can tell you, if you just scored 4,000 bucks you better take your ass to the Dodge Store and get some pizza sticks and whatever else you came to a gas station to get in the first place. Nobody's gonna fuck with you at the Dodge Store because the cops are already there anyway, that's Hendo 101. So I don't know where you are from Doug, but you better wise up before you cross that fucking bridge again. Case closed.
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