Maybe Charlie Weis' Recruiting Was A Little Too....... Vanilla.

Surely they didn't have that many kickers, amirite?

GQ Ranks America's Top 25 Douchiest Colleges

Pretty spot on, though I have to say after meeting a Dukie, they should have been in the #1 spot.

America's 25 Douchiest Colleges

Who Would You Rather Bone? (Tiger Edition)

-OR-



Rachel 'Tiger's Skank' Uchitel vs Elin Nordegren

Open and shut case if you ask me. I'm taking Elin all day everyday. But you know what they say... for every hot girl out there, there is a guy that's tired of screwing her. Tiger was that guy.

Tiger Tiger Woods, Y'all!

(not so much)


I hate the thought of TMZ and all other smut publishers besides the somewhat smutty stuff that I love to type up every now and then, but after this weekend and the whole Tiger thing, THANK GOD FOR TMZ. Though it is still unsure if he is human or not, we found out two important things: He bleeds his own blood. He is a dude.

Pecker is kinda torn on this whole situation though. I mean yeah I could have guessed that Tiger was probably cheating on his while she was pregnant for two straight years. Hell, in my wedding vowels I plan to make it know to my wife that for every 9 months that she is pregnant The Pecker is allowed up to two mulligans (see what I did there?) during that period of time. It's only fair, amirite? If she came into the relationship totally oblivious to the possibility of Tiger railing some whores on the side, then that's her own damn fault.
The thing that is killing me is how much Tiger is trying to hide this. I mean come on guy, you really think we are all as stupid as your wife? It was 2:30 in the mo'nin and you were just blasted all over the internet two days before all of this for allegedly cheating on Elin. Shit hit the fan, you tried to be a pussy about the situation and leave the scene after your wife confronted you then she went bat-shit. So come on, Eldrick. Do us all a favor and fess up.
I bet $100 within the next week Tiger will be caught in a jewelry store buying a ring the size of the fucking Titanic.



**On a side note, in Tiger's apology he said that his wife "acted heroicly" by smashing out the back window of his Escalade with a golf club after he wrecked in order to help him out of the vehicle. Why the fuck would he want to climb all the way through the back of an SUV with shattered glass on the floor.. what's wrong with his window or door? Hell, any of the doors or windows would be better than the fucking back window! Get your shit straight before you try to trick The Pecker.

Name that Drug

This is the guy who played the little bitch in Gladiator as well as Johnny Cash in Walk the Line.

Now he's running around, head full of nappy hair and a full beard, never taking his sunglasses off saying that he's a rapper.  This has been going on for at least a year now.  His first performance in Vegas, he starts jumping around yelling like a retard, gets light headed, and falls off the stage.

Now at his most recent concert in Miami, it seems as though he's actually came up with a song.  Watch the clip and you see as he performs it, the crowd loves it.  Then some "asshole" in the front row apparently gives him a hard time.  Joaquin first talks shit by saying, "I've got a million dollars in my bank account, what the fuck do you have bitch!?"  The guy retorts with something slick, I guess, because the next thing you see is Joaquin jumping off the stage to fight the guy.  Fight starts at 1:30.

Then the host/dj whatever says, "Joaquin, baby!  This mother fucker gets crunk!" and they play Paper Planes by MIA.  Joaquin ends up getting thrown out of his own concert.  I'm not sure what drugs I would say he's on.  What do you think fixers?

Happy Monday!

Chick In Basket Crashes Down Flight of Stairs - Watch more Funny Videos


Mornin' clowns. If you are having as hard of a time as I am to get the day going, I suggest you try the girl above's method. Nothing like eating a flight of stairs in the morning. I have to say this is probably the worst Monday of the year. I just ate 26 fucking kilos of turkey and someone expects me to actually get some work done? Bullshit. I'm takin' a half-day and going back to to hibernate. What a weekend for sports, though.

• First thing is first, if Toby Gerhart of Stanford doesn't win the Heisman Trophy after his performance against the Golden Domers late Saturday night, it will be nothing short of robbery. 205 yards rushing, 2 TD's and a touchdown pass. The guy is a fucking animal and I am searching like crazy for a play from that game where he used the truck stick to absolutely demolish a DB. If you can find it, please send to thepecker.fix@gmail.com.


• Tennessee beats Kentucky for the 25th time in a row. Really should not suprise anyone, but the way it was lost makes you wonder why Joker Phillips has the title 'Head Coach in waiting'. Only thing that does is give him something to pound his chest about. Because I can promise you he wasn't gonna leave in the first place, you think other schools are beating his door down asking him to be a head coach??? Hell no. The guy is fucking CLUELESS when it's nut cutting time as he refused to let Randall Cobb win the game for him. I don't give a shit if he was tired, I would have let him take snaps from a god damn wheelchair before I let Morgan Newton run a QB sweep. That's not the first time Kentucky let a Tennessee win slip right through their fingers, and it won't be the last. I predict the streak finally ends at 28, though.

• If you think Kentucky basketball had a bad coach the last couple of years, I'll see your Billy G. and raise you Steve Kragthorpe. I'm pretty sure that was the worst coaching job in the history of sports and whomever is next in line has a tough job one their hands. Hopefully the list starts with Florida's defensive coordinator Charlie Strong, but after the Kragthorpe hire, there's no fucking telling who they will go after.

Anyway, got a lot of things happening this week and hopefully we can keep up, I guess we'll see. And no I have no forgotten about Tiger Woods.

Best Dunk Ever

Filly of the Day

Gobble Gobble.  Today I want to show you fixers what I mean when I say thoroughbred and saddlebred.  Today's Filly of the Day is a definite thoroughbred from U of L, an ex cheerleader, Jordan.

Thoroughbred is not only a look, but also a personality.  Thoroughbreds are much faster, harder to control.

They are much more powerful as seen in the pictures above.

And there's a certain thickness that runs through their long line of breeding blood.

Here she's about to go to the races with Ole' T Bone.  Be careful with these thoroughbreds they'll make you spend all your money on 'em.

The thing about Filly of the Day as opposed to The Pecker's humpday star of the day, is that you can actually see these girls outside of your beater box.  This Filly works at the famous Sully's Saloon at Fourth Street Live in Downtown Louisville.  Go check her out, her butt cheeks will more than likely be hanging out of whatever she's wearing.

Who Would You Rather Bone? (Thanksgiving Edition)

-OR-

Pilgrims and Indians baby! I bet Christopher Columbus had his way with both of 'em, but this is the Fix and you sure as hell ain't Christopher Columbus so you only get to choose one. El Peckerino is taking the pilgrim, she can land on my Plymouth Rock 8 days a week. With some gravy on it!

Who ya got Fix?! (looking for some good Thanksgiving puns)

6 Year Old Will Haunt Your Dreams

I asked MayDay to post this damn thing yesterday but sure enough he didn't come through. I don't have words for this, kid just rocks people for a living I guess.

Behavior Like This Is Exactly Why I Don't Go To The State of Indiana!

I am not sure if I have ever ranted on how much I hate the state of Indiana and this looks to be a perfect video to demonstrate my hatred towards the entire state. First, I would like to apologize to all the Fixers in Evansville, thank you for following us here at the Fix, this will only take a second.

Indiana is by far the worst State in the history of States. Name one good thing that came out of Indiana and I might show a little sympathy, but you cannot say Hoosiers, penicillin (seriously, thank you) , Larry Bird, or Peyton Manning because he is from fucking Louisiana and I bet you $100 he hates Indiana, too. Actually, one of the reasons I didn't go to the University of Kentucky is because it's a 3 hour drive and 2 1/2 hours of the drive you have to go through

Indiana, no way could I do that a couple of times a semester. It's the only place The Pecker has gotten a speeding ticket and I got that wiped off because I know motherfuckers and they think Indiana laws are a joke as well. So I pissed on the ticket and called it a day. My uncle's back yard is on the river, guess what's across the river.... Ding ding, Indiana. He's been trying to convince his wife for years to put up a brick wall so he doesn't have to look at Indiana when he's barbecuing on the weekends and is still fighting that fight today.

Anyway, back to the video. I actually encourage the youth of Indiana to keep it up with the Ball Tapping, ruin eachother's balls until you are sterile so my kids don't have to put up with your shit like I have my whole life.

The Gleaner- Hendo Area News

Three Morganfield residents are scheduled to appear on The Jerry Springer Show today to prove they are "Jerry's Biggest Fan."
According to a press release, Zakia Perry, Rodney Bell and Damion Wharton will perform next to Springer at 5 p.m. on My44, which is Channel 17 for Insight cable customers.
Springer and the team at The Jerry Springer Show asked the American TV audience to prove that they are "Jerry's Biggest Fan" by sending in fun, creative and original videos that capture the show's outrageous guests and surprising plot twists.
The top three finalists were flown out to the studio in Stamford, Conn., where they were scheduled to perform on stage for the chance to win the grand prize of $5,000.
After seeing each of the three finalists, the studio audience selects the winner.
The Jerry Springer Show, now in its 19th season, is taped in front of a live studio audience in Stamford, Conn., and is distributed in national syndication by NBC Universal Domestic Television Distribution.

Hey Gleaner, either shit or get off the pot. You think letting the people of Hendo know that someone from Morganfield, KY is going be on the Jerry Springer Show is something that they couldn't have already guessed? Fuck, at the age of 14 I was convinced that the show was actually filmed either in or somewhere around Morganfield because everytime I drove through there I was pretty sure I saw a pregnant lady with "eat shit" tattoo'd on her forehead that was identical to the skank on the show from the week before. Then I found out there was no electricity within 40 miles of Morganfield so it would be fucking impossible to pull off a TV show, but you can imagine the dissapointment I had when I figured that out.

Anyway, I guess all I can do is say congrats to all you Braves and Bravettes, enjoy your 15 minutes of Springer fame.

** I Google Imaged 'Morganfield, KY' and these pictures were on the first page of results.

What the fuck is a Dog Warden? Is it real? Sign me up.

Hump Day Porn Star of the Week

Speaking of stuffing a turkey..... This is the first brunette featured in HDPSOTW, and there probably isn't a better one out there than Raven Riley. In honor of Thanksgiving we're gonna try to keep it semi-holidayish today, so if you have a funny news story about turkey or pictures of a hot chick humping a turkey..... ANYTHING turkey and/or pilgrim related, send it my way to thepecker.fix@gmail.com

Enjoy your day folks!

Big Skank Fighting Little Skank- Big Skank Gets Embarrassed

Shirtless Tough Guy Gets Demolished - Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

This one is going down as one of The Pecker's all-time greatest videos. This is like in Rocky V when Rocky's skanky son gets his ass kicked in at school every day and finally whoops the shit out of the bullys, except these dudes might be a little more skankier. My favorite part of the video is when the bigger guy tries to get cocky and says 'ding ding'. Yeah, ding ding is right, you just got your ass rocked by that little kid. And then to top it off the little bastard gets in one more blow, as if he were saying 'How's my ass taste, bitch?' Damn I love it.

Think You Had A Bad Saturday?

Chicago Tribune- As a tumultuous season draws to a bitter close, Notre Dame and the faces of the football program continue to take hit after hit. And, apparently, in all too literal a sense.Starting quarterback and team captain Jimmy Clausen was involved in an altercation outside a South Bend, Ind., bar in the hours after a double-overtime loss to Connecticut on Saturday, taking a punch to the face in the incident, sources told the Tribune.Clausen suffered at least one black eye as a result of the punch, according to a source. A spokesman for Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis said he could not reach Weis for comment Monday night. A South Bend police spokesman said Monday no police reports were filed over the weekend that involved Clausen. The particulars of the confrontation are unclear, though a person answering the phone at CJ's Pub, the bar in question, said the incident "absolutely did not take place inside the bar."

I doubt your Saturday was as bad as college football's biggest toolbag, Jimmy Clausen. First he loses at home to Connecticut, who hasn't won a game since the death of a starting defensive back, and after that he probably realized his fat ass, tub-o-lard coach isn't going to be his fat ass, tub-o-lard coach next season. Then the cherry on top of his shit sundae is a punch to the face by a Notre Dame fan!

Hey Jimmy, if you didn't realize how big of a douche you were before this incident, here ya go. You are the best football player in South Bend, you are the only reason Notre Dame has won any of their games this year, you go to a bar full of Notre Dame fans in the city of South Bend, IN and you get your ass kicked and nobody helped you. Maybe skipping your senior year for the NFL isn't such a bad idea after all, aye Jimmy??

I don't blame the guy, though. Ever since Jimmy Clausen showed up in a Hummer Limousine at the college football Hall of Fame dressed like the dickhead that he is (pictured above), wearing his state championship rings to announce that he is signing up to play for Notre fuckin' Dame, The Pecker made a promise to himself that if he ever saw Jimmy Clausen in public he would punch him in the face and/or gouge his eyeballs out with an ice pick.

Weight Room Motherfucker!

#55 THE PUNISHER POP WARNER FOOTBALL - Watch more Funny Videos

You don't have to even ask why this dude's nickname is the Punisher. Just de-cleating dudes left and right like it's his fucking job. He takes out two dudes and neither one of 'em even thought about getting up once they hit the ground. These little DB's better think twice before blowing up a sweep to their side, because the Punisher is awake, and he wants to eat your mother's soul. Hey #12, good luck finding your dick.

Happy Tuesday! Vince Young's Crazy Ass Is Back!

I'll admit, I gave up on Vince Young after they let boozehound Kerry Collins start for two seasons in a row. I was sure that the last piece of news I was ever gonna hear out of Vince is a story about him getting caught on the outskirts of Nashville with a 13 year old girl riding shotgun in his Escalade with an executioner's mask, a bottle of asshole lube, a half gallon of Philadelphia and a 12 bricks of bottle rockets. I expected him to at some point be put into jail for a year or two and watch him ride his horse all the way to the loony bin. But thankfully I stand corrected.

He didn't put up gaudy stats or make an eye-popping run to end the game, but the coaches did a great job of adjusting the Titans play selection to allow him success. I don't expect them to win the Super Bowl but I do think they have a punchers chance at making the playoffs if their defense keeps improving and they keep executing their offense like they have the last 4 games.

That being said, I still believe deep down in my heart that Vince Young is bat shit crazy and made this video at some in the last year.

Thurman Murman/Eric Wood Gets Joe Theisman-ed!

OUCH... Needless to say he will not be making an appearance in the eagerly anticipated "Bad Santa 2" this upcoming Holiday Season.

CLJ

Who Would You Rather Bone? (Entourage Threesome Edition)

-OR-

By far the toughest one we have had so far. Last night I started watching some older episodes of Entourage and although I think E has become the gayest guy on TV, he pulled off an epic threesome with these two. For a while I thought Sloan might be the baddest chick on the planet, after googling the blonde, Malin Akerman, I have to say that she is on the same level (plus she showed her tits on Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle). Either way, I would perform a labotomy on myself with a spoon if it got me one ticket to poundtown with these two.

Pecker is going with Sloan (the brunette). I've spent way too many nights thinking about how she would look if she were butt ass naked with some tube socks on. Can't pass this opportunity up. Whichever girls wins gets a full post of pictures tomorrow. Baleee dat.

Who ya got Fix?

Sent From My iPhone

Question: Is that a knitted sweater with a catfish on it?

Answer: You're God damn right it is.

Gratuitous Post- Sara Jean Underwood

UPDATE: The following is a text I received from The Third Lew after posting these pics.
'I would suck a fart out of Sara Jean Underwood's ass and hold it in like a bong rip'

If You Can't Beat 'Em.... Call An 800 Number

Is this ad fucking serious? I guess I should call and see what this is about, because the only way that I would take the side of the Bully Patrol is if they send a hit man to kill the bastard that is picking on little Timmy, the schoolhouse quadriplegic. I doubt that, so there is no way I'm gonna promote this shit.

Whatever happened to a father teaching their kids a little self defense or sitting them down to let them know that they better not take shit from anyone. I'll never forget what my Dad told me about fighting when I was in the 3rd grade. I had just gotten off the bus and I came in the house to tell him about how Joseph, the 6 ft tall 8 year old, beat the living shit out of a smaller kid because he scored a soccer goal on him during recess. Daddy Pecker sat me down right then and told me that if I am ever out-numbered or against someone bigger than me I should "grab whatever is around me, whether its a chair, a lunch tray or a fucking baseball bat covered with 6 inch, AIDS infested nails and start swinging for the fences". To this day I still live by that creed and probably will until it lands me in prison.

So all you kiddo Fixers take this as a lesson from Uncle Pecker. Don't throw in the towel and let the bully win by calling a pussy ass help line, take my advice. Next time he knocks your books out of your arm in the hallway, slap him in the dick, grab the fire extinguisher, pound him in the face until all of his teeth have fallen out and then scalp him with the 12 inch Swiss Army knife that you got in your Christmas stocking. Don't forget your paper sack, because that bloody scalp will be rad as fuck for show-n-tell. Talk about a panty dropper.

PS.. The fact that this ad is right beside a Maroon 5 poster doesn't surprise me one god damned bit. Guarantee every kid that calls this number also has a fucking Maroon 5 album in their trapper keeper.

O'Doyle Rules!



**Big ups to BroDude in San Fran for the pic.

Happy Monday, Fix!

Wow, what a weekend in the college sports world. How Charlie Weis has not been fired yet is still one of the biggest wonders even The Pecker cannot explain. The only way I see Notre Dame rising back to prominence is to hire Nick Saban as head coach with Urban Meyer as his offensive coordinator and Pete Carroll as a recruiter/sorority house panty stealer. Not only will they have to spend a pretty penny to get a top-notch coach, but they will also have to pay Charlie Weis' buyout, which right now would be 18 milly. So go ahead and PAY like a champion today, you fucksticks.
Oregon used the power of their douchey, Ed Hardy-esque jerseys to put themselves in a showdown with Oregon St. next week for the Pac 10 title. The winner of that game gets to shit down the proverbial necks of The Ohio State University in the Rose Bowl, which is nice.
Kentucky stole a win from Georgia to give them their 7th win of the season to set up a game for the ages in the UK fan's mind as they take on UT in a game the Volunteers consider the annual forfeit game, due to Kentucky's 24 game losing streak. If that is not enough to get motivated for, maybe this bulletin board material will help courtesy of the Chattanooga Times:

"Moreover, a winning season sets the tone for all the Kiffin seasons to follow, even if it wasn't a championship season.
But it should conclude as a 7-5 regular season, given the annual unofficial forfeit they figure to pick up against Kentucky, which would be the Vols' 25th straight in the series. Rumor has it that UT is even considering wearing silver pants and helmets to honor the occasion.
That should earn a respectable bowl bid (Chick-fil-A, perhaps) and an extra month of practice. It should help recruiting, not that Kiffin appears to need much in that department."

Ouch.

Have a great day folks, stay tuned.

OchoCinco Condoms

Found this on Chad Johnson's twitter page.. What the fuck is he thinking?

http://twitpic.com/qb0k8

How did I get here???

There are numerous socioeconomic indicators that are held in high prestige to describe/differentiate the population masses of mother Earth. Some of the more popular and obvious are Education, Income, Crime and Quality of Life but those however are very intangible. One may think that you could give a glance at the real estate or automobiles of said surroundings and receive an accurate accord of the current social schema but after witnessing the the clusterfuck that is the current economic meltdown and some of the contributing factors it's very feasible that any broke, uneducated douchebag could own a ginormous house and drive a Bentley. See MC Hammer, Antoine Walker and Mortgage Brokers. So today what I have for you is a fool-proof, tangible and tasty way to demographically decipher your locale of choice. Ladies and gentleman without further ado I welcome the "Aparagas Scale"... In theory you can use the retail monetary value of asparagus as a accurate socioeconomic litmus test. According to the UDSA the average retail price of Asparagus is $2.75 and will hold as true to the working/middle class as Rosanne Arnold and the Cul-De-Sac. So when you see $2.65 asparagus at your local grocery store know that the shoppers around you probably have a combined household income of $65k, drive either a minivan, station wagon or truck, have tried the Atkins or South Beach diet, have been or either will be divorced, may or may not have finished junior college, shop at JcPenneys or Sears and root for Ohio State or the Pittsburgh Steelers. With that being said any deviation above $2.65 on the scale shall trend positive in sectors of Education, Health, Income, Crime and Quality of Life. This is vice versa for the adverse side of $2.65. So now that you've taken a looked at the picture from my neck of the woods (posted above)you've probaly come to two conclusions... #1. There probably aren't any Starbucks or Hummer Dealerships near by. #2. "Sparragas"...Really???

My comments ...

#1. Does the Pope shit in the woods?
#2. Spellcheck ceases to exist in "the Mission"... Even Bill Gates hasn't figured that shit out!

CLJ

I Know a Speilberg Film When I See One

Drunk Woman Ruins Wedding - Watch more Funny Videos



This reminds me of the time I watched Schindler's List. Though the film is primarily shot in black and white, red is used to distinguish a little girl in a coat. The red coat symbolizes the fact that there was a loss of innocence among all the children who were faced with the horrors of the Holocaust, in that they were forced to grow up much faster than many other children of that time period. Later in the film, the girl is seen among the dead, recognizable only by the red coat she is still wearing.
Do you think Steven Speilberg had something to do with this video? Come on, he had to, right? The drunk girl grinding her shit all over the pole symbolizes the little Jewish girl while everyone else is acting respectable in their black and white tuxedos and dresses being 'grown ups'. It's obvious that the red dress symbolizes that she is a drunken whore who usually fucks up weddings and the dancing around builds anticipation for the climatic ending. I mean who really wears a red dress to a black tie event besides a skank like this one. Speilberg, I know your dirty little tricks. You can't get that shit past The Pecker.

Either way, bitch rolls hard. Have a great weekend.

Miners vs Welders: The Capulets and Montagues of Hendo

It's all fun and games until a welder fucks a coal miners daughter and someone gets shot in the face. Can we get some peace in Hendo? Shit's getting rediculous.

**Big ups to Hendo folks for snapping this pic.

Who Would You Rather Bone?

-OR-

UPDATED: If people don't start voting in the comment section, next week I'm gonna use Sittin' on the Toilet Girl in every WWYRB. Interaction people.

Aunt Jackie from the show Roseanne or Jodie Foster. This is a toss-up. Jackie is pretty skanky and doesn't really seem to have her life together and Jodie Foster looks like a man and talks funny. Given my deep history with skanks who don't really have their life together, I think I'm gonna venture for something different and 'put the lotion on its skin' with Jodie.

Who ya got Fixers?

**Big ups to Nathan from the hills and hollers of Sturgis, KY for the suggestion.

It's Friday!!!

That video reminds me of myself when I'm at the club. That's the only dance move I've got and it makes bitches melt.

I'm not sure if you were listening to me yesterday but when reminding you about the Thursday Night NFL game I told you to start Ricky Williams in fantasy if you had him.

Quick stat line: 22 carries for 125 yards 2 TDs. 2 receptions for 19 yards and 1 TD. BOOM goes the dynamite.

Is This The Worst Mugshot Ever?

I couldn't wait. Usually I wait for the morning to post this shit, but I came across this on a website of Tampa Bay mugshots and I just had to post it. I don't know what this guy did or how he ended up like this, but it's pretty a amazing photo.